It Depends On What You Pay

Lyrics

[EL GALLO, spoken] The cost, señor, depends on the quality of the rape.  [BELLOMY, spoken] The what? [EL GALLO, spoken] Forgive me, the attempted rape. Now I know you prefer "abduction," but the proper word is "rape." It's short and business-like.  (sung) Rape! Rape! Rape! A pretty rape Such a pretty rape We've the obvious open schoolboy rape With little mandolins and perhaps a cape The rape by coach, it's little in request The rapе by day, but the rape by night is best Just try to see it! And you will soon agree, sеñors Why invite regret When you get the sort of rape You'll never ever forget? You can get the rape emphatic You can get the rape polite You can get the rape with Indians A very charming sight You can get the rape on horseback They all say it's new and gay So you see the sort of rape Depends on what you pay It depends on what you pay [HUCKLEBEE, spoken] The kids will love it! It depends on what you— [BELLOMY, spoken] Pay! [HUCKLEBEE, spoken] So why be stingy? It depends on what you— [EL GALLO] A spectacular rape With costumes ordered from the East Requires rehearsals And takes a dozen men at least A couple of singers And a string quartet A major production Requires a set [BELLOMY, spoken] Sounds expensive.  [EL GALLO] Try to see it! And you will soon sí, sí, señors Why invite regret When you get the sort of rape You'll never ever forget? You can get the rape emphatic You can get the rape polite You can get the rape with Indians A truly charming sight You can get the rape on horseback They all say it's distingué So you see the sort of rape Depends on what you pay [EL GALLO & HUCKLEBEE] So you see the sort of rape Depends on what you pay! [EL GALLO] It depends on what you pay! [HUCKLEBEE & BELLOMY, spoken] So why be stingy? It depends on what you pay (Pay! Pay! Pay!) The kids will love it! It depends on what you— [EL GALLO] The comic rape Perhaps it's just a trifle too unique Romantic rape Done while canoeing on a moonlit creek [BELLOMY, spoken] That's kind of pretty.  [EL GALLO] The gothic rape I play "Valkyrie" on a bass bassoon The drunken rape It's done completely in a cheap saloon [BELLOMY, spoken] Nothing cheap! [EL GALLO] The rape Venetian— Needs a blue lagoon The rape with moonlight Or without a moon Moonlight is expensive But it's in demand The military rape It's done with drummers and a band! You understand? It's very grand! It's done with drums and a great big brass band! Yeah! [HUCKLEBEE & BELLOMY, spoken] Ah! [BELLOMY, spoken] It's so Spanish! That's why I like it! [HUCKLEBEE, spoken] I like it too! Ay-yi-yi-yi! [EL GALLO] Just try to see it! [BELLOMY] I see it! [HUCKLEBEE] I see it! [EL GALLO] And you will soon agree, señors [EL GALLO, HUCKLEBEE & BELLOMY] Why invite regret When you get the sort of rape You'll never ever forget? [HUCKLEBEE & BELLOMY, EL GALLO] We can get the rape emphatic (Oh, rape!) We can get the rape polite We can get the rape with Indians (Sweet rape!) A truly charming sight We can get the rape on horseback (Oh, rape!) They all say it's new and gay [HUCKLEBEE & BELLOMY] So you see the sort of rape Depends on what you pay So you see the sort of rape Depends on what you pay So you see the sort of rape Depends on what you pay [HUCKLEBEE & BELLOMY, EL GALLO] So you see the sort of rape (Rape!) Depends on what you pay Depends on what you pay Depends on what you pay Depends on what you pay [EL GALLO, HUCKLEBEE & BELLOMY] Depends a lot on what you— [HUCKLEBEE, spoken] I say they're only young once. Let's order us a "First Class!" [EL GALLO, HUCKLEBEE & BELLOMY] Pay! Olé!