Someone’s Got To Do It

Lyrics

[Spoken Intro] SLOCUM: Hahahahaha! CHARLIE: Hey Slocum, tell me again what are we doing here, anyway? SLOCUM: Well Charlie, every great story got to have a great bad guy, right? CHARLIE: Yeah...? SLOCUM: Well think of all the great bad guys: The Joker, Snidely Whiplash, The Cavendish Gang, even The Beagle Boys. Hahaha... CHARLIE: Yeah I see your point, but all this bad guy stuff is kinda hard work. Whadda say we get a real job- SLOCUM: Eh?! CHARLIE: Go straight- Earn an honest living? SLOCUM: Charlie, snap out of it! CHARLIE: Ow! SLOCUM: Snap out of it! CHARLIE: Sorry boss, musta been something I ate SLOCUM: I don't know about you Charlie but- I was born to be bad [Verse 1: Slocum] I've got a pencil-thin mustache and a reptilian dеmeanor If I could squeeze a nickle-profit, I'd takе your Grandma to the cleaners I love forgery, extortion, and changing cattle brands But mostly I'm in love with very big and evil plans [Verse 2: Slocum] I want your coal and cattle, gold and timber and railroad right away I want your water rights, mineral rights, and air rights, by the way I love confiscation, intimidation, and owning all the land 'Cause lately I've been getting into big and evil plans [Chorus] SLOCUM & CHARLIE: Because the plot demands an evil man SLOCUM: Yeah! To prove the good are good, someone's got to put 'em through it SLOCUM & CHARLIE: Even Shakespeare in his glory put good villains in his story SLOCUM: It's a dirty job, but someone's got to do it [Spoken] CHARLIE: Yeah... SLOCUM: What's your excuse, Charlie? CHARLIE: Well, I'll tell ya... [Verse 3: Charlie] A brain like you needs muscle, to make the action richer A brawny goon, a dark saloon is why I'm in the picture Breakin' arms and burnin' barns and springing you from the can Is why you need a guy like me for big and evil plans [Chorus] SLOCUM & CHARLIE: Because the plot demands an evil man SLOCUM: Yeah! To prove the good are good, someone's got to put 'em through it SLOCUM & CHARLIE: Even Shakespeare in his glory put good villains in his story SLOCUM: It's a dirty job, but someone's got to do it [Spoken Outro] CHARLIE: I guess that "someone" is us. Heh heh... SLOCUM: It's a filthy job, ain't it, Charlie? CHARLIE: Heh heh... SLOCUM: How long have we been working together, Charlie? How many years has it been? CHARLIE: Uh- three... four? What comes after four, boss? SLOCUM: Ah shut up, Charlie. Oh! Gotta run! Gotta foreclose on the orphanage. Hahahaha! CHARLIE: Heh heh heh, let's get started... SLOCUM: Yeah, maybe we can slash some tires in the parking lot on the way out. It's a dirty job, but I like it...