Lyrics

[Hook] How does it feel living on the edge of a razor? How does it feel when there's no one to savor? How does it feel when all you do is crave her? How does it feel when I go to meet my maker? It's my confession, that I've done kept in [Intro] Fucking survival, that's my ultimate persona I always live my life on the edge of some drama Whether it's going on in my head Or whether it's dealing with someone else's bullshit instead Life is a struggle but it's precious, if I can't die, well then you can't either This shit'll make a man's soul burn slow, like a can of ether Throughout my life, suicide was on my mind Since Second Grade, all of my school years were like a grind To get to the end of a tunnel, I didn't wanna stop and listen Do I hate myself? Yes, but I remain optimistic Too many experiences to go through, I don't wanna show you I want you to see it for yourself I got some random thoughts on my mind right now I wanna tell you bout my shit, tell you bout' my tour through hell [Hook] [Verse 1] Now if your a friend I'll support you to the end But don't drag me into a conflict with the both of you I don't wanna pick a side I just wanna mend I'd rather just get us all in a circle and fuckin' smoke a few Usually I talk violence, but right now I just wanna talk some peace I don't wanna deal with people stalkin' streets Looking for people that stomp on my feet On the news I see this black shit, this white shit Seeing black people get killed, I don't like this I'd rather be going up to a crip, yelling "what up, cuz?" Cause I just wanna hang out, I don't wanna thug Call that shit white guilt, but I think people are equal I admit I'm not black, fuck it I never will be But all this racism shit, man it is fuckin' filthy How about you live in a ghetto life, afraid to pull a trigger And it pisses me the fuck off, when white people call em a stupid [static] Black culture has helped me through more then white culture could've ever done Emotional, mental, physical, it has enlightened me It brings out the light in me, my flaws, my strength, now it's bringing out the write me I was afraid of saying this because it would seem that I'm not saying shit Cause I'm afraid people like Anthony Fantano would say my thoughts are basic It's probably true, I can't explain this much, I cannot be meddling Basically Ice Cube & MLK are my heroes, more-so then John Wayne ever will be When Ricky died in Boyz N the Hood, it fucked me up heavily Made me wish I could do something that would give a fucking remedy People say cause of this that I have a good heart When they say it, it pisses me off, it sounds fucking corny I just wish when shit grinds on my fucking gears that they wouldn't fucking ignore me Like if I do something good, I don't want recognition It makes me feel locked up as if it were a mexican prison I'd rather them respect and listen, nod silently And sometimes it makes me feel like when they don't That I'll act violently, I admit I have personal problems I admit that the shit hurts, so I work to absolve them I won't deny that I have fucked up so many times I just try to become a better person, so if you hate, please get in line [Hook] [Verse 2] I've had my problems with women, fuck it, I'll move it here A souvenir of my past? Nah, I've only dated on the internet The interweb is no place for me to feel an emotional connect First one mistakes were made on both sides She left me when I finally sent a picture And it just all went down the pisser She said her parents made her do it Had it broken down to me by my best friend at the time it was because she thought that I was ugly But fuck it I don't hate her cause trust me I made mistakes too And to put all my shit on her would be disgraceful Nowadays she's just dead to me I don't know who she is, all I know is I gotta keep cooking the recipe The second one threatened to commit suicide if I had left I admit that going into this relationship was my only regret With her, there was some asshole that said that she was kidnapped It left my heart and soul opened up to be giftwrapped Came back, questioning what was wrong When it was probably manipulative bullshit, she smoked me like a bong The third one was heaven sent but ended in tragedy Sexy latina, ended in a bunch of blasphemy During the fourth one, I just figured fuck it I'm tired of this web shit I still have dreams of every one, I don't wanna ruin the past, I just wanna respect it And I just gonna be honest, my romantical past I put it on blast It's tragic, but fuck it, my "fourth", wouldn't be surprised if she was a catfish [Hook] [Verse 3] As I said in the first verse Bullshit since second grade, and now it fucking hurts worse Getting into stupid fights and shit, and I would always lose And now I front violence, cause I got something to prove Third Grade had me feeling like I was basic Others got Ice Cream cause they were smarter, made me feel disgraced, shit That made me feel like I was in fifth, just a little more easier But it was still such a disease that it hurt Shout out to Azon, sorry for trying to fight when we first met It hurts yet cause I thought you were stealing my friend But we patched it up, became friends, only positive memories You, me, Chris Gonzales, I won't hate you if you don't remember me Fourth Grade saw me betray my first buddy Cause others said he was fat and ugly, I was that disgusting Fifth Grade was the worst, it made me wish I was aborted Depression's disturbing, leaving me even more distorted Almost went into my basement, put a shotgun into my mouth And pull the trigger, why I didn't do it? I thought I was a pussy for pulling out All the teachers made me feel like I shouldn't breathe I wish that I could leave I got bullied once in that year, patched it up Challenged him again because I thought he dissed me, so I decided to match it up Me and him fought on the street corner, some woman ended up intervening I cried all the way home cause of pressure, it wasn't a mystery then And it didn't help that before that I tried to bully two kids Cause I thought they made fun of my mom, that just wasn't it Was confronted by my principal, ended up crying like a bitch Now I'm glad I lost, it put me in line, I'm a recovered man Actions speak louder then words, now I have the upper hand Sixth through Eight, middle school was shit It wasn't the best time, and I definitely had enough of it But this is when I started getting fucked up humor And it spread like a fucked up tumor My art teacher was an asshole And it was then I started wanting to get the cashflow I went bipolar on some cases to some people who didn't deserve it And that was when I wanted to start gettin' up women's cervix Ninth Grade was when I discovered hip hop Practically saved my life, and I will never flip flop Eminem was my first artist, and back then I was stereotypical I was like "Fuck Mystikal, if he ain't lyrical I won't listen" Stubborn hip hop dusthead, it had me feelin' on top, like a bunkbead Corny simile aside, I was depressed but I felt more alive Tenth Grade was more of the same shit, I just wanted to die A little worse then 9th but fuck it, I just wanna survive Eleventh Grade was same shit, different day Punched some ginger asshole in the face Cause he kept disrespecting me, man I felt I was in a race Punched me in the back of the head like a bitch The fight didn't expand, left for the next class, man that shit was rich And from then on the rest of the year, I would describe him to be a fucking worm I'm passed that, he now means nothing to me, thats just shit I've done learned Twelfth Grade was shit, I managed to get through it Even though I almost failed, I got through, just me and my music Lost it, cost me, a grind but I finally made it I didn't want to go to a ceremony that I fucking hated My mom just wanted pictures but I'll never forgive her But I still love her, she's my mom so I will never dismiss her Now I'm working on life, afraid of college Not afraid of the knowledge, just afraid of what the cost is [Hook] [Outro] No I didn't go through the ghetto, but I still had it rough Everyone has their own problems, I just had enough Because of all this shit, I have felt less then nothing I'll probably never feel like something, I am not bluffing This will probably come back and haunt me And then my worst enemies will come back and probably taunt me This got me shaking and worried Why in the fuck would the internet care? I probably should just leave it buried But there's still much more to talk about But for now I'll just give my last thoughts about it Shout out to all my previous friends who I haven't talked to in a while I hope you have a successful future and a daughter that you'll walk down the aisle So whoever reads this that I know in real life, don't get it twisted I'm a different man, my life has changed the way that I will listen I don't want any big drama, this is just a chain of my thoughts Written by 1 AM, I just wanted to write so I could right my wrongs I'm sorry