Song Meaning
The lyrics paint a picture of someone wrestling with the destructive nature of their own dishonesty. The opening lines about Dugan, a former cheater now a priest, serve as a stark, almost ironic, contrast, hinting at a past where deception was present but perhaps less damaging. The narrator directly confronts this, stating, "Lying is killing the good things in me," and the repetition of "kill kill killing" emphasizes the pervasive damage. It's a self-inflicted wound, a poison that erodes everything the narrator does and knows.
The core tension lies in the narrator's awareness of their own flawed behavior and its impact on a relationship. They admit to shifting and sliding eyes, suggesting evasiveness, and acknowledge that their "being lovely / And your being good / Only depresses me." This self-loathing stems from knowing how "oddly I'm behaving," a behavior that transforms them into a "stranger" and an "air raid," leaving both parties "orphans and four fifths afraid."
The recurring phrase "blueberry pies" functions as a peculiar, almost absurd, form of refusal or deflection. When asked for answers or when pleading to return, the narrator offers only "blueberry pies." This isn't a sweet offering; it's a hollow substitute, a symbol of what the narrator *cannot* or *will not* provide – genuine connection, honesty, or perhaps a return to a simpler, happier state. The repetition, especially the stuttering "blueberry, blueberry pies," amplifies the sense of a broken, incomplete response.
This writing is effective because it grounds abstract feelings of guilt and self-sabotage in concrete, albeit strange, imagery. The contrast between the narrator's internal turmoil and the seemingly innocuous "blueberry pies" creates a disquieting effect. The lyrics suggest that the narrator's dishonesty has created such a chasm that even when they want to reconnect, all they can offer is a nonsensical, empty gesture, highlighting the profound damage they've inflicted on themselves and the relationship.