Self’s the Man (The Whitsun Weddings)

Lyrics

Oh, no one can deny That Arnold is less selfish than I. He married a woman to stop her getting away Now she's there all day, And the money he gets for wasting his life on work She takes as her perk To pay for the kiddies' clobber and drier And the electric fire, And when he finishes supper Planning to have a read at the evening paper It's 'Put a screw in this wall' - He has no time at all, With the nipper to wheel round the houses And the hall to paint in his old trousers And that letter to her mother Saying 'Won't you come for the summer'. To compare his life and mine Makes me feel a swine: Oh, no one can deny That Arnold is less selfish than I. But wait, not so fast: Is there such a contrast? He was out for his own ends Not just pleasing his friends; And if it was such a mistake He still did it for his own sake, Playing his own game. So he and I are the same, Only I'm a better hand At knowing what I can stand Without them sending a van- Or I suppose I can.