Talking Airplane Disaster [Demo-Version]

Lyrics

[Intro] Uh, any— any of the song— all the songs on this tape Anybody can do anytime they want to starting now But, um, this one This next song here called "Talking Plane Disaster" is a Sort of special song for me and I need it And I might— I hope to use it to make a record in, uh, New York when I get back So I wish nobody would do— do this song At least for about a month and a half or two months from now And, uh, this is what? What's today's date? Uh (Today's the fifth of April) Fifth of April, you know, about a month and a half or so To wait for it This is a real crowd pleaser, "Talking Plane Disaster" Just wrote this when I got in Fort Lauderdale I took a plane down to Miami and, um I'm deathly afraid of planes, I discovered Jet planes, so here's a, my recount of the trip A little exaggerated, but it captures the basic image of 'em all [Verse 1] Well, once I heard some people say If you gotta travel, there's just one way You gotta leave the ground, you gotta fly through the air You gotta find a pilot and pay your fare You gotta sail through the sky In an automatic bird [Verse 2] Yes, statistics show it's the way to go It's safer than your car, you know Well, it's safer than your home, it's safer than your street It's safer than anywhere you put your feet Statistics don't lie But statistics don't die, either [Verse 3] Well, once I heard a feller say You gotta take a train, it's the only way Well, accidents don't happen to trains at all There was just one accident he could recall A plane crashed into it People flying in all directions [Verse 4] Well, one day when the sky was blue I boarded a plane and off we flew I tightened my seat belt, gritted my teeth I was strapped so tight, I could hardly breathe My lungs was gaspin' for air My eardrums was gaspin' for a depressurizer [Verse 5] Then one of them stewardesses ambled by And suddenly, I wasn't afraid to die She brought me coffee, pillows and tea Said we're as safe as we could be Said there's nothing to worry about Then she flew out the door somebody forgot to close right [Verse 6] Then the plane dropped down about a mile or two She lurched about, I swore I was through She was twistin' and turnin' like a dog in heat I was strapped so tight, I could— no, she was— She was twistin' and turnin' like a dog in heat I was searchin' for a bible beneath my seat Pilot said we hit an air pocket Must've been a pocket with a mighty big hole in it [Verse 7] Well, at last the trip was near the end The airport was comin' around the bend But all my unfortunate eyes could see Was a thousand planes in the vicinity They was landin' and leavin' and wavin' at each other Wing to wing and brother to brother The pilot was swearin' and swervin' around But he said, "Don't worry, we got radar on the ground" I wasn't worried I was crawlin' up the aisle screamin' "Jesus saves" [Verse 8] Well, the trip didn't do me too much harm But I did spend a year on the happy farm Well, they couldn't understand why I kissed the ground Chewed the concrete, swallowed it down Sure tasted good Like safe ground should