Ballad of Alferd Packer

Lyrics

[Intro] This is the Ballad of Alferd Packer An infamous guide in the Old West [Verse 1] In the state of Colorado In the year of seventy-four They crossed the San Juan Mountains Growing hungry to the core Their guide was Alferd Packer They trusted him too long For his character was weak And his appetite was strong [Chorus] They called him a murderer, a cannibal, a thief It just doesn't pay to eat anything but government-inspected beef [Verse 2] Along the Gunnison River An Indian camp they spied An Indian chief approached them To stop them he did try He warned them of the danger In the snow that lay around But the danger was in Packer For his hunger knew no bound [Chorus] Yes, they called him a murderer, a cannibal, a thief It just doesn't pay to eat anything but government-inspected beef [Verse 3] Two cold months went slowly by Packer came back alone "My comrades they all froze to death I'm starving," he did moan The Indian chief knew how he lied He spat upon the ground For his belly hung out all over his belt He'd gained some thirty pounds [Chorus] They called him a murderer, a cannibal, a thief It just doesn't pay to eat anything but government-inspected beef [Verse 4] Well, for nine long years he ran away But finally he was tried He claimed he didn't kill them He only ate their hides That County had six Democrats Until he did arrive Well only one lives on today He ate the other five [Spoken] Chorus [Verse 5] Eighteen years he stayed in jail It was a dreadful fate For he suffered indigestion Every time he ate Still, it's hard to blame this hungry guy Who went searchin' for the mines For when he ate his friends He'd never heard of Duncan Hines For when he ate his friends He'd never heard of Duncan Hines