The Neutron Bomb Story

Lyrics

You know, I was trying to concentrate on this song here, and I started thinking about the neutron bomb. And, uh... What, somebody don't like it? LAUGHTER No. I mean, somebody told me that Reagan was asleep when the, uh, planes was happening. You know? I think it's good to have a sleeping president. LAUGHTER That's not a bad idea. CHEERING The more he sleeps, the safer we are. CHEERING I ain't worried about nothing. I think neutron bomb's a wonderful idea. People always look at the bad side of everything. You know? You hear the word neutron and bomb and stuff, evеrybody gets shaky. But, you know, I mean, that's a wonderful idеa. It's not in and of itself, it's not wonderful. I mean, it's dumb. But the thing is, you know, you can't have... You know, you can't have, like, a light without a dark to stick it in. You know what I'm saying? You can't have one thing without the other thing. And so you can't have, ultimately, the neutron bomb without having the un-neutron bomb as well. I mean, people say, what's that? But it's obvious what it is. I mean, just think of the neutron bomb. The bad guys are coming over the hill, you know, the tanks and the planes, the boats and the whole thing. Here they come. So what? Reagan wakes up and drops a neutron bomb on them. Now what do you got? You got TVs going. You got radios playing. You got fast food happening. And nobody's eating it. Nobody's watching it, listening to it, nothing. Everybody's just dead and rotten. What kind of fun is that? What, are you going to go visit them? I mean, what are you going to do over there? It's just like wasting the whole place. It's because that's just no fun to be there like that. But imagine the un-neutron bomb, which is just right around the corner, is what scientists have told me. It's just right up the street. Just got to give it time, not be worried about the other side. But anyway, imagine, here are the bad guys coming over the hill with the guns and the tanks and planes. And all of a sudden, we drop the un-neutron bomb. And all the buildings melt. And the guns disintegrate. And there's nothing there but little flowers growing, bird flies flying around. You know what I'm saying? Even clothes disappear. And there's nothing but naked people everywhere. Now, isn't that the kind of war we want to have? Right. Not only that, them Russians got girls in the army. I mean, I don't know if they're worth seeing or not, but it's probably worth finding out. Not only that, there's other places in this world I could think of dropping an un-neutron bomb. Some right here in this country. Some probably right around here. I mean, where it'd be good to kind of start over again. People worried about America. People worried about everything. I'm not worried. Not only that, I stole the song from Tom Paxton that explains how to get out of my financial difficulties as well. Now I'm really not worried. It goes something like this.