Professor Hauptmann’s Performing Dogs

Lyrics

Ladies and gentlemen, we proudly present The headlining act of the day An act that has played for the crowned heads of Europe Appearing for the first time in the U.S. of A Professor Hauptmann's performing dogs Professor Hauptmann's miraculous dogs Jugglers and acrobats dressed up like clowns Dogs in tuxedos and swank evening gowns Some dressed like sailors in navy blue jeans Standing up and acting just like real human beings Professor Hauptmann's performing dogs Professor Hauptmann's incrediblе dogs One rides a pony and carries a pursе One is on roller skates dressed like a nurse A dog in a derby is doing a dance A mutt in red suspenders keeps on losing his pants Someone up there in the third mezzanine Said, "Ain't that the cutest thing you've ever seen?" An elegant pup in a black tie stood up At the piano and started to play An Alsatian hound all bejeweled and begowned Heard the music and started to bay The first tenor howled and the baritone growled And the audience shouted, "Hooray!" A little chihuahua got so excited It had to be taken away Someone up there in the third mezzanine Said, "Ain't that the cutest thing you've ever seen?" Professor Hauptmann's performing dogs Professor Hauptmann's spectacular dogs Watch them do somersaults, cartwheels and springs See them cavorting and jumping through rings Breathtaking stunts that amaze and surprise Feats of skill and daring right before your own eyes Seventeen schnauzers in bell bottom trousers Come tumbling out of a bar They stagger and stumble and fall down and fumble Then all tumble into a car One starts up the motor and low and behold He crashes it right through the rail A big English bulldog dressed up like a cop Arrests them and takes them to jail Someone up there in the third mezzanine Said, "Ain't that the cutest thing you've ever seen?" Professor Hauptmann's performing dogs Professor Hauptmann's unparalleled dogs For our grand finale, those marvelous mongrels Surpassing their previous tricks Those incomparable canines alive and in person Enacting the Spirit of '76 One plays the fife and one beats the drum One waves the flag while he walks and chews gum Marching together with boots on their feet Shoulder to shoulder and right on the beat Then on rush the red coats and U.S. Marines They fire guns and fall down dead just like human beings Someone up there in the third mezzanine Said, "Ain't that the cutest thing you've ever seen?" Professor Hauptmann's performing dogs Professor Hauptmann's heartwarming Super barnstorming Super performing dogs!