Jeff Sums It Up

Lyrics

[JEFF SLATER, sung] Not long ago, there was a man An angry guy, awkwardly aging Committed but kinda self-destructive, whining his way Through life 'till ambition And circumstance Conspired to deliver an opportunity No one except a megalomaniacal actor With nothing to really lose would consider So then, of course, this guy puts Oh, yeah, this guy is you, in case you were wondering Puts on a dress, a wig, heels and actually gets the part And surprisingly, everything goes very well But then, and how do I say it, you fucked it up You really fucked it up You got applause, you got the fame Except it wasn't exactly for you And now you're in love with a girl Who thinks you're somebody that you're not And in case you forgot, I'll tell you who you really are You're the guy who fucked it up You really fucked it up Listen, Mike, I know when Mr. Opportunity Comes tip-toeing and teasing You're the kind of man who grabs him by the balls But then when he screams and says: "Let go of my balls!" You just keep on squeezing Well, that's the time you gotta... I lost my train of thought Hmm... But anyway, you get the point You screwed the pooch! Epic Fail! I hate to say I'm happy to say I told you so But it makes me so happy I told you so! I told you so! I told you so! You fucked it up You really fucked it up [JEFF] You went tits-up [MICHAEL] I went tits-up [JEFF] Mistakes were made [MICHAEL] Mistakes were made [JEFF] You bit the dirt [MICHAEL] I bit the dirt [JEFF] Insane in the membrane [MICHAEL] Good song [JEFF] A major malfunction [MICHAEL] I really blew it [JEFF] The captain of the Hindenburg [MICHAEL] Oh the humanity [JEFF] You messed it up [MICHAEL] I did [JEFF & MICHAEL] The wheels came off your bumper car (The wheels came off my bumper car) You fell on your face (Complete disaster) You're dead in the water You fucked it up (Everything looks pretty bad) You – ball change You fucked it up You're dead in the water You fucked it up ([phone rings]) And fan kick! And buffalo! Buffalo! Gotta shuffle off to Buffalo! (Jeff! Jeff!) [MICHAEL, spoken] Jeff! Shh! [DOROTHY, spoken] Hello? Hi! Oh! Oh yes, great! Thank you! [MICHAEL, spoken] Jeff! The cast are going over to hear Julie sing and they invited Dorothy. Now Julie has been avoiding me since I kissed her. But she also confides in Dorothy what she wants from a guy. Right? So if I can meet Julie as Michael, I can use those things to get her to fall for me. And then fix things between her and Dorothy [JEFF, sung] Good luck to you! God bless you Mike I really, really wish you the best I'll tell you what, I'm coming along For moral support Because I'm a friend But mostly because I'm curious To see exactly how you'll fuck it up