Merrily We Roll Along (1974-1973) / Franklin Shepard, Inc.

Lyrics

[FIRST SOLOIST] How did you get here from there, Mr. Shepard? [SECOND SOLOIST] If you look back, you can see [THIRD SOLOIST] Which is the moment and where, Mr. Shepard? [ALL THREE SOLOISTS] 1973… [TALK SHOW HOST, spoken] I know our audience would love to hear how you two work together [CHARLEY, spoken] Sure He goes— [Mimes playing an arpeggio.] And I go— [Mimes typing.] [CHARLEY] And soon we're humming along— Hmm-hmm-hmm And that's called writing a song— Hmm-hmm-hmm Then he goes— [Mimes another arpeggio.] And I go— [Types.] And the phone goes— Drrrring! And he goes— "Mutter mutter mutter mutter yes, Jerome Mutter no, Jerome Mutter mutter mutter mutter—" That's his lawyer, Jerome— "Mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter do it, Jerome" *Click* "Sorry, Charley..." So I go— [Types.] And he goes— [Arpeggio.] And I go— [Types.] And soon we're tapping away— Hmm-hmm-hmm Bzzz! "Sorry, Charley..." Bzzz! It's the secretary— Bzzz! On the intercom— "Yes, Miss Bzzz..." "It's a messenger" "Thanks, Miss Bzzz Will you tell him to wait? Will you order the car? Will you call up the bank? Will you wire the coast? Will you—" Drrrrrring! "Sorry, Charley... Mutter mutter mutter mutter Sell the stock Mutter buy the rights Mutter mutter mutter mutter mutter—" "Let me put you on hold..." "Yes, Miss Bzzz..." "It's the interview..." "Thanks, Miss Bizz Will you tell him to wait? Will you wire the car? Will you order the coast? Will you send up the bank?" And the telephones blink And the stocks get sold And the rest of us, he keeps on "hold" And he's gonna start producing And he's now a corporation Right? And I play at home With my wife and kids And I wait to hear the movie bids And I've got a little sailboat And I'm into meditation Right? He flies off to California I discuss him with my shrink That's the story of the way we work Me and Franklin Shepard, Inc.  [TALK SHOW HOST, spoken] Oh Well, when you do work together, which comes first generally— The words or the music? [CHARLEY, spoken] Generally, the contract [TALK SHOW HOST, spoken] It sounds like you think making money is a bad thing for an artist [CHARLEY, spoken] Money? Did I say money? [CHARLEY] No, I like money a lot— Hmm-hmm-hmm I mean it's better than not— Hmm-hmm-hmm [CHARLEY] But when it's— Money— Money— When you're into— Money! And you should be— [Arpeggio.] [CHARLEY, spoken] Listen, he does the money thing very well, but you know what? Other people do it better And he does the music thing very well And you know what? No one does it better [CHARLEY] Still the telephones blink And the buzzers buzz And I really don't know what he does But he makes a ton of money And a lot of it for me— Right? So I think "Okay" And I start a play And he somehow knows 'Cause right away It's drrrring! "Hiya, buddy Wanna write a show? Got a great idea We'll own all the rights With a two-week out And a turnaround On the guarantee Plus a gross percent Of the billing clause—" And there I am in California Talking deals and turning pink Back in business and I mean just that Back with Franklin Shepard, Inc.  Very sneaky how it happens Much more sneaky than you think Start with nothing but a song to sing Next you're Franklin Shepard— [CHARLEY, spoken] Wait, could we wait a minute here 'cause I'm getting in too deep The thing is, see, we're not that kind of close anymore The way we used to be And a friendship's like a garden You have to water it, and tend it, and care about it And you know what? I want it back Look— [CHARLEY] Nothing permanent has happened Just a temporary kink Friendship's something you don't really lose... ...Very sneaky how it happens Every day you're on the brink First the prizes, then the interviews— [Looks around, realizing where he is.] Oh, my God, I think it's happened! Stop me quick before I sink One more triumph that I can't refuse— [CHARLEY, spoken] In case you didn't notice, this is my first time on TV—and my last [CHARLEY] No, here's the point, whatever happens Then we'll all go get a drink That's the guy I love, the fella who's Inside "Mutter mutter mutter mutter quick, Jerome Get the President There's a crazy man On my TV screen!" Inside— Bzzz! Bzzz! Drrring! Inside Franklin Shepard— Just write him care of Any Bank, U.S.A.— Inc.!