The Song I Wrote for Robert Goulet (The Second Coming version)

Song Meaning

This track opens with a spoken intro that immediately sets a quirky, meta-context: the song exists, but its intended recipient, Robert Goulet, never performed it. This frames the lyrics not as a direct plea, but as a peculiar artifact, a testament to a specific, odd affection. The narrator declares their love in a sweeping, almost traditional romantic manner, but then pivots sharply to the singular reason for this devotion: "feminine hygiene deodorant spray." This unexpected, mundane detail grounds the grand declaration in something hilariously specific. The core tension here is the juxtaposition of classic romantic tropes with utterly unromantic, commercialized personal care products. The narrator expresses intense fear of loss, but the condition for this loss isn't infidelity or abandonment, but rather a depletion of a specific brand of spray. It's a darkly funny commentary on how modern consumerism can infiltrate even the most intimate expressions of desire and commitment. The lyrics suggest that this particular scent, or the act of using it, has become the sole anchor of the relationship. The most striking craft element is the relentless repetition of "feminine hygiene deodorant spray." This phrase, inherently clinical and unpoetic, is treated with the reverence usually reserved for a lover's eyes or touch. The bridge elevates this further, turning the act of smelling pleasant into a virtue worthy of "joy and jubilation" and "endless blessing." The narrator's plea in the outro, to "use it always," solidifies the product's central role, making the promise of eternal togetherness contingent on its continuous application. What makes these lyrics hit so hard is their audacious absurdity. By elevating a mundane, commercial product to the pinnacle of romantic affection, the song creates a potent, unsettling humor. It forces the listener to question the nature of love and desire, suggesting that sometimes, the most profound connections can be forged from the most unlikely, even ridiculous, foundations. The specificity of the product, presented with such earnestness, makes the bizarre premise feel strangely, uncomfortably real.