Teaching Third Grade

Lyrics

[MISS THORN, spoken] I must admit Mrs. Denmark In all my years as a professional actress And I've lived on both coasts I've never known anyone To want a part so desperately It's as if starring in the school show Means too much to Tina [JUDY, spoken] That's what worries me [MISS THORN] There's no need to worry Unknit your brow For though Tina's Taking this hard right now Experience tells me I'm happy to say She'll get over her disappointment Someday [MISS THORN, spoken] She'll learn that being a star isn't everything There are many wonderful careers one can choose That are еqually rewarding And at least as exciting Look at mе... [MISS THORN] Teaching third grade Shaping the minds of a new generation No longer afraid To get on with my life And off medication Sure, I went to New York To be an overnight sensation More than a face I was a winning combination Of talent and grace Shoulda packed mace 'Cause I was mugged, raped and robbed Before I left Penn Station Now I'm back, Lord At the blackboard Teaching third grade [JUDY, spoken] Miss Thorn, don't you think it's a good idea For someone in showbusiness To have something to fall back on [MISS THORN] Something to fall back on Sure, it works for some But I fell back And look what's life's become Tonight I'll get cozy Pour wine, light the tapers Then sit there, alone there All night grading papers The pay may be steady My summers are free But do you want your daughter To turn out like me Yeah, I had something to fall back on Safe and so secure With very few surprises in store This cheery demeanor It's all a charade The truth is I'm bored I hate teaching third grade Sick of Jane and sick of Dickie Never quiet, always sticky Noses runny, noses bleedy Little runts so bloody needy Joan hits Janeice with a slinky Bart makes Terry touch his winkie This one cried and this one peed I can't take it, God, I need Something to fall back on From what I've fallen back on [JUDY, spoken] About Tina? [MISS THORN] As far as the lead in the show, my dear She'll have to get over Not winning this year Into each life rain falls, I'm afraid Life is a bitch And it starts in third grade