Women Lose Weight

Lyrics

[Intro: Skye Edwards] What a surpriser, open your eyes, a woman advisor [Verse 1: Slick Rick] The name of this entertainment is "Women Lose Weight" Our first years of marriage, everything was just great But after two kids and the weight gain factors Fact is, now, she's completely unattractive Look, fat chicks, I don't mean to sound rude I tell her nice, "Hit the gym, and don't eat so much food" But no—"You're shallow; you need to run the course Of unconditional love and so forth" But how? If desire's not there, that's just delayment Divorces, child support, alimony payments My unhappiness, I doubt, discouraged So hurry for an easier way out of this marriage Meanwhile, my secretary, June, well-groomed "When you gonna leave your wife?" I tell her, "Soon, mami, soon, I assume" Or my destiny is blue Interestingly, the only thing left for me to do is to kill her [Hook: Skye Edwards & Slick Rick] What a surpriser, open your eyes, a woman advisor I'm gonna have to kill her 'Course there's laws which enforces divorces Send that ass right to the morgue, miss (Kill her) What a surpriser, open your eyes, a woman advisor I'm gonna have to kill her 'Course there's laws which enforces divorces Send that ass right to the morgue, miss [Verse 2: Slick Rick] My plans against or shenanigans kinda ran thin Knowing nothing 'bout poisoning, and I can't swim Bad intentions pumping, might as well become numb Cut her lungs or the obvious robbery gone wrong But the catch is, do I have the nerve to dispatch this? Who can I get to help me murder this fat chick? Guess I'll have to play a dude robbing On Wednesday, the day she usually goes food shopping Anyway, long story short Hit the side of her Chrysler, sent her clean over the divider "You bastard!" she said As the wreck went tumbling down the hill, I thought, "She has to be dead" Later on, get a call (From a) Lieutenant O'Rourke (Had me) Leaping like a frog: "We need you at the morgue" So I selfishly pursued, "Boo-hoo" There was nothing else for me to do—I had to kill her [Hook: Skye Edwards & Slick Rick] What a surpriser, open your eyes, a woman advisor C'mon, y'all, you know I had to kill her 'Course there's laws which enforces divorces Send that ass right to the morgue, miss (Killed her) What a surpriser, open your eyes, a woman advisor I had to kill her 'Course there's laws which enforces divorces Send her ass right to the morgue, miss [Dialogue: Slick Rick & Slick Rick as a cop] So you mean to tell me, Officer—you don't have no clue who did this hit-and-run? No, sir, we don't have no clues right now This is terrible. What am I gonna tell the kids? Pull yourself together, sir I'm so broken up inside. I just can't believe this I understand, I understand Catch the person who did this We're gonna try, sir Please [Verse 3: Slick Rick] Screaming, "Who done took my heart?" Acting shooken up a lot at the funeral, though everyone was looking at me odd Like I did it—like I was the reason my mate's slain Murmuring, "I heard he was displeased with her weight gain" While my secretary, sort of a sexy blonde Can't cook—all she does is order from restaurants ("All of the sex you want") I doubt could address Clothes not washed proper, and house look a mess, and Talking to detectives that was waiting outside How I took a long lunch break, day the wife died I darn near turned pale, and because of betrayal They indicted me, gave me an impossible bail Good fortune to anyone admiring the rotten Moral of the story is: Desire is important So watch your weight; it'll keep your mate smitten—it's a given Though looking back, I realized: I didn't have to kill her [Hook: Skye Edwards & Slick Rick] What a surpriser, open your eyes, a woman advisor I didn't have to kill her 'Course there's laws which enforces divorces Send that ass right to the morgue, miss (I killed her) What a surpriser, open your eyes, a woman advisor I didn't have to kill her 'Course there's laws which enforces divorces Send that ass right to the morgue, miss [Outro: Slick Rick] Well, there you have it Keep thin, trim Keep your marriages healthy, you know what I mean? Small message from Morcheeba and Slick Rick the Ruler Peace