Lyrics

Well my poor old todger is rogered to smudge Like a battered and blue Pushmi-Pullyu I once had a bloke refuse point blank to budge When he parked his red bus up my studio The things I could tell you about that brigade They were gruntfuttocks all to a man I said "Get thee to a nunnery!" They came back with Italy Cheap at just seventeen grand Well the boot made of meat is on my other feet As I remarked to Napoleon on Elba That dwarf was so bored that his statue was sore From abseiling up the walls of his Zelda One evening he said as he lay on her bed "If I don't capture Capri by Monday You can rip me in two, take both to the zoo And feed me hind legs to a donkey" Oh the snorkel is soapy, my ankles are ropey My aunt has no hope of a spleen I'll lend her a fiver if she and her driver Come back with the head of the queen It is worse than I thought, they have used her to snort up The ashes of lady Godiva Those blithering fools! It's not Britannia who rules These days more likely it's China Oh the snorkel is soapy, my ankles are ropey My aunt has no hope of a spleen I'll lend her a fiver if she and her driver Come back with the head of the queen Well a simpleton's face is an utter disgrace Or so I was taught the varsity Then again, in the main, these were men made of rain With the skimpiest mental capacity And my poor old todger is rogered to smudge Like a battered and blue Pushmi-Pullyu One evening he said as he lay on her bed "If I don't capture Capri by Monday You can rip me in two, take both to the zoo And feed me hind legs to a donkey"