Lyrics

Well I stand here before you in the circus court With a most sincere appeal for your kindness and support The consciousness of peril ever playing on my mind Hoping against hope you will be lenient and kind My name is Catman Findlay and I have eleven toes I like to wear, admittedly, some slightly silly clothes: These baggy pants, this purple hair, this stupid waxy nose The grinning crocodiles of my disintegrating shoes Well I would be law-abiding but my enemies are mean Growing ever bolder in their comedy routines If I do whip my assistant until her buttocks bleed It's not because I want to, but they force me to compete Well as you know the circuses have fallen on hard times People want to stay at home and swipe their telephones And there's no-one coming out to see a girl on a trapeze Swinging from the sky supported only by her knees But if I should do a knife act, and it should go awry And the knife should slip into a breast and if the girl should die People laugh like drains, they think it's all part of the act And laughs are hard to get, my lords, and that's a circus fact And I would be law-abiding but the competition's mean You've got to put some wick-wack in your comedy routines We've reached the point where circus acts are turning into crimes But life is hard, your lordships, and we keep up with the times