Bus Inspector Bill

Lyrics

Naked widow Lil took bus inspector Bill Into her bedroom Monday afternoon at midnight Pointed up and said: "Up on the moon there is a stop Where all the passengers on top Of buses can look in and see my husband Lying dead upon the bed" Well Bill said "Are you kidding me?" and Lil said "No, just come and see Lie down with me but first take off your clothes to spare us any fuss" And the moon rose strange and foreign Charlie's ghost appeared and saw them But Bill preserved decorum Saying "It's alright, I'm just waiting for a bus" And the day that Charlie passed away Lil was there to hear him say "I've been unfaithful to you in every known position, my dear" She whispered "Darling never mind, I knew it all the time that's why I put 9000 miligrams of arsenic trioxide in your beer" And Charlie's nose was broken once His grandfather had spoken once With Romy Schneider's voice As an extra in The Seven Year Itch He was taking her bikini wax As medicine for heart attacks He'd actually collapse and really die Every time Romy hit the beach Lil sent Charlie's ghost down to the butchers shop To steal a ghastly mutton chop Because she had no money And would die if she didn't eat "I'm sorry, ghost," the butcher said "But take a whole lamb's head instead The eyes alone will see you, ghost See you through the week" And the day that Charlie passed away Lil was there to hear him say "I've been unfaithful to you in every known position, Lili dear" She said "Charlie darling never mind, I knew it all the time That's why I put 9000 miligrams of arsenic trioxide in your beer" So naked widow Lil took bus inspector Bill Into her bedroom Monday afternoon at midnight Pointed up and said: "Up on the moon there is a stop Where all the passengers on top Of lunar buses can look in and see my husband lying dead" And the moon rose strange and livid And Charlie's ghost was vivid And Lil thought for a minute and said: "Charlie, I was dying for a friend"