Lyrics

(The office. The new BOSS is examining a piece of paper.) [BOSS] Dusoleil Come in here! What's this sentimental nonsense which has landed on my desk? Tear it up Straight away! [DUSOLEIL] It's a letter to my mother [BOSS] To your mother, you're grotesque! Why to her?? [DUSOLEIL] I'm her son [BOSS] If we compromise on discipline, there's very little left! [DUSOLEIL] But my work Had been done [BOSS] Writing letters in official time is tantamount to theft You bewarе Yes, you beware, unlеss you want to get the sack [DUSOLEIL] Now, that isn't fair [BOSS] And if you dare to answer back Then you may find that this epistle Is the cause of your dismissal If you're obstinate, recalcitrant and slack! (BOSS chases DUSOLEIL back to his desk.) Back to work! Don't forget That you're a clerk! Who's payed to work in office time You are a jerk! You're an amoeba, you are slime! You make me sick! You and your cat can go to hell! I hope she gets mange I hope your mother does as well! "Oh, it's really yours sincerely who's been doing all the work As usual, the others have been yadda yadda yadda If the world Behaved like you We'd all be writing to our mothers And then criticizing others So I'm giving you a confidential tip Don't behave like a drip! (BOSS exits to his office.) [DUSOLEIL] Like a drip? Like a drip! How dare you come in here and cast aspersions on my mother and my cat! Here's my reply: (He sticks his head through the BOSS's wall) That you're a peasant And I hope you die! (Runs back to his desk and starts typing) "...and both were sent in triplicate And then attached to copies Of your previous correspondence then for accuracy's sake..." [BOSS] (runs to DUSOLEIL) Du-Du-Du... Dusoleil... But your head was P-p-poking through the wall and then it spoke Yes, I swear! It was there! [DUSOLEIL] Sorry, sir, I don't quite get the joke... [BOSS] No, nor do I! I'll say goodbye (Exits) [DUSOLEIL] "That I have to inform you that your letter has been lost Since it was sent to our department by mistake..." (Sticks his head through the BOSS's wall) Surprise, surprise! What do you know! I am the Wallman Come to say Hello! (Goes back to his typing) "It had been shredded on the seventh floor And pulped on the eleventh floor And later used to fertilize the flowers on the roof..." [BOSS] (enters) Du-Du-Du... Du-Du-Du... You're still typing over here And yet your head was over there! [DUSOLEIL] Over where? [BOSS] On the wall! [DUSOLEIL] No, no, no, I've just been sitting here I haven't moved at all from my chair Since ten to three [BOSS] It can't be him It must be me... (Exits) (DUSOLEIL sticks his head through the wall again) [DUSOLEIL] Doo-doo-doo-doo! Lookin' at you! I am the beast of Section 22! BOO! (BOSS takes out a rifle and then assembles it.) [BOSS] BUT I'M YOUR BRAND-NEW BOSS And I will And I will And I will not let myself be flustered! A boss must be the boss And he's got And he's got And he's got And he's got to cut the mustard (Enters EMPLOYEES' area brandishing rifle) And I'm supposed to be the pillar Of the Ministry of Post So I cannot believe in visions And I won't believe in ghosts! I'm sure I can't be drunk Because I never drink a drop So if some bastard's playing tricks on me They'd damn well better stop It's all a communist conspiracy It's a plot It's a plot It's a plot to make me look a moron I'm not a man to cross So from now So from now So from now So from now on there's a war on! (DUSOLEIL tells returning EMPLOYEES that the BOSS has gone crazy. They attack the BOSS.) [EMPLOYEES] We'll show him who is boss It is time It is time It is time It's time that we got tougher [BOSS] If they don't know who's boss Then the coun- Then the coun- Then the coun- The country's going to suffer [EMPLOYEES] Our poor old brand-new boss But it does- But it does- But it does - But it doesn't really matter 'Cause we don't give a toss That he's mad That he's mad That he's mad That he's madder than a hatter! A hatter! (They overpower the BOSS and exit with him.)