Gee, Officer Krupke

Lyrics

[OFFICER KRUPKE, spoken] Hey, you! [A-RAB, spoken] Who, me? [OFFICER KRUPKE, spoken] Yeah, you! [A-RAB, spoken] Why it is Officer Krupke, Baby John.  [BABY JOHN, spoken] Top of the evening, Officer Krupke.  [OFFICER KRUPKE, spoken] I'll crack the top of your skulls if you punks don't stop when I whistle. Hey, come back here you little freaks! [SNOWBOY, spoken] You see, cops believe everything they read in the papers.  [ACTION, spoken] Yeah, to them, we ain't human. We're cruddy juvenile delinquents. So that's what we give 'em.  [SNOWBOY, as KRUPKE, spoken] Hey, you! [ACTION, spoken] Me, Officer Krupke? [SNOWBOY, as KRUPKE, spoken] Yeah, you! Gimme one good reason for not dragging ya down to the station house, ya punk.  [ACTION] Dear kindly Sergeant Krupke You gotta understand It's just our bringin' upke That gets us outta hand Our mothers all are junkies Our fathers all are drunks Golly Moses, naturally we're punks! [ACTION & JETS] Gee, Officer Krupke, we're very upset: We never had the love that every child oughta get We ain't no delinquents We're misunderstood Deep down inside us there is good! [ACTION] There is good! [JETS] There is good, there is good There is untapped good Like inside, the worst of us is good [SNOWBOY, as KRUPKE, spoken] That's a touchin' good story [ACTION, spoken] Well, lemme tell it to the world! [SNOWBOY, as KRUPKE, spoken] Just tell it to the judge [ACTION] Dear kindly Judge, your Honor My parents treat me rough With all their marijuana They won't give me a puff They didn't wanna have me But somehow I was had Leapin' lizards, that's why I'm so bad! [DIESEL, as Judge] Right! Officer Krupke, you're really a square This boy don't need a judge, he needs an analyst's care! It's just his neurosis that oughta be curbed He's psychologically disturbed! [ACTION] I'm disturbed! [JETS] We're disturbed, we're disturbed We're the most disturbed Like we're psychologically disturbed [DIESEL, as Judge, spoken] In the opinion of this court, this child is depraved on account he ain't had a normal home [ACTION, spoken] Hey, I'm depraved on account I'm deprived [DIESEL, as Judge, spoken] So take him to a head shrinker [ACTION] My father is a bastard My ma's an S.O.B.  My grandpa's always plastered My grandma pushes tea My sister wears a mustache My brother wears a dress Goodness gracious, that's why I'm a mess! [A-RAB, as Psychiatrist] Yes! Officer Krupke, you're really a slob This boy don't need a doctor, just a good honest job Society's played him a terrible trick And sociologically he's sick! [ACTION] I am sick! [JETS] We are sick, we are sick We are sick, sick, sick Like we're sociologically sick! [A-RAB, as Psychiatrist, spoken] In my opinion, this child don't need to have his head shrunk at all. Juvenile delinquency is purely a social disease [ACTION, spoken] Hey, I got a social disease! [A-RAB, as Psychiatrist, spoken] So take him to a social worker! [ACTION] Dear kindly social worker They say go earn a buck Like be a soda jerker— Which means like be a schmuck It's not I'm anti-social I'm only anti-work Gloryosky, that's why I'm a jerk! [BABY JOHN, as Female Social Worker] Eek! Officer Krupke, you've done it again This boy don't need a job, he needs a year in the pen It ain't just a question of misunderstood— Deep down inside him he's no good! [ACTION] I'm no good! [JETS] We're no good, we're no good We're no earthly good Like the best of us is no damn good! [DIESEL, as Judge] The trouble is he's crazy [A-RAB, as Psychiatrist] The trouble is he drinks [BABY JOHN, as Female Social Worker] The trouble is he's lazy [DIESEL, as Judge] The trouble is he stinks [A-RAB, as Psychiatrist] The trouble is he's growing [BABY JOHN, as Female Social Worker] The trouble is he's grown! [JETS] Krupke, we got troubles of our own! Gee, Officer Krupke We're down on our knees 'Cause no one wants a fella with a social disease Gee, Officer Krupke What are we to do? Gee, Officer Krupke— Krup you!