A Little Priest

Lyrics

[MRS. LOVETT, spoken] But you know me, bright ideas just pop into my head and you know what I'm thinking? Seems a downright shame [TODD, spoken] Shame? [MRS. LOVETT] Seems an awful waste Such a nice plump frame What's his name has… had… has Nor he can't be traced Business needs a lift Debts to be erased Think of it as thrift As a gift If you get my drift No? Seems an awful waste I mean, with the price of meat What it is When you get it If you get it Good, you got it Take, for instance, Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop Business never better, using only pussycats and toast And a pussy's good for maybe six or seven at the most And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste [TODD (and MRS. LOVETT)] Mrs. Lovett What a charming notion (Well, it does seem a waste) Eminently practical And yet appropriate as always Mrs. Lovett (It's an idea) How I've lived without you all these years I'll never know How delectable Also undetectable How choice How rare [MRS. LOVETT] Think about it, lots of other gentlemen'll Soon be comin' for a shave, won't they? Think of All them Pies [TODD] For what's the sound of the world out there [MRS. LOVETT] What, Mr. Todd? What, Mr. Todd? What is that sound? [TODD] Those crunching noises pervading the air [MRS. LOVETT] Yes, Mr. Todd! Yes, Mr. Todd! Yes, all around [TODD] It's man devouring man, my dear [TODD/MRS. LOVETT] And who are we to deny it in here? [TODD] Ah, these are desperate times, Mrs. Lovett. Desperate measures are called for [MRS. LOVETT] Here we are now, hot out of the oven [TODD] What is that? [MRS. LOVETT] It's priest Have a little priest [TODD] Is it any good? [MRS. LOVETT] Sir, it's too good, at least! Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh So it's pretty fresh [TODD] Awful lot of fat [MRS. LOVETT] Only where it sat [TODD] Haven't you got poet, or something like that? [MRS. LOVETT] No, y'see, the trouble with poet is How do you know it's deceased? Try the priest! [TODD] Mm, heavenly! Not as hearty as bishop, perhaps, but then not as bland as curate, either! [MRS. LOVETT] And good for business, too because it always leaves you wantin' more! Trouble is, we only get it on Sundays! Lawyer's rather nice [TODD] If it's for a price [MRS. LOVETT] Order something else, though, to follow Since no one should swallow it twice! [TODD] Anything that's lean? [MRS. LOVETT] Well, then, if you're British and loyal You might enjoy Royal Marine Anyway, it's clean Though of course, it tastes of wherever it's been! [TODD] Is that squire On the fire? [MRS. LOVETT] Mercy no, sir, look closer You'll notice it's grocer! [TODD] Looks thicker More like vicar! [MRS. LOVETT] No, it has to be grocer It's green! [TODD] The history of the world, my love [MRS. LOVETT] Save a lot of graves Do a lot of relatives favours! [TODD] Is those below serving those up above! [MRS. LOVETT] Ev'rybody shaves So there should be plenty of flavours! [TODD] How gratifying for once to know [TODD/MRS. LOVETT] That those above will serve those down below! [MRS. LOVETT] Now, what 'ave we got 'ere? Er, we've got tinker [TODD] Something... pinker [MRS. LOVETT] Tailor? [TODD] Paler [MRS. LOVETT] Potter? [TODD] Hotter [MRS. LOVETT] Butler? [TODD] Subtler [MRS. LOVETT] Locksmith? Lovely bit of clerk [TODD] Maybe for a lark [MRS. LOVETT] Then again there's sweep If you want it cheap And you like it dark! Try the financier Peak of his career! [TODD] That looks pretty rank [MRS. LOVETT] Well, he drank It's a bank cashier Never really sold Maybe it was old [TODD] Have you any Beadle? [MRS. LOVETT] Next week, so I'm told! Beadle isn't bad till you smell it and Notice 'ow well it's been greased... Stick to priest! Now then, this might be a little bit stringy But then again, it's... fiddle player! [TODD] No, this isn't fiddle player - that is piccolo player! [MRS. LOVETT] How can you tell? [TODD] It's piping... hot! [MRS. LOVETT] Then blow on it first! [TODD] The history of the world, my sweet [MRS. LOVETT] Oh, Mr. Todd! Ooh, Mr. Todd! What does it tell? [TODD] Is who gets eaten, and who gets to eat! [MRS. LOVETT] And, Mr. Todd Too, Mr. Todd Who gets to sell! [TODD] But fortunately, it's also clear [MRS. LOVETT/TODD] That ev'rybody goes down well with beer! [MRS. LOVETT] Since marine doesn't appeal to you, how about... rear admiral? [TODD] Too salty. I prefer general [MRS. LOVETT] With, or without his privates? With is extra [TODD] What is that? [MRS. LOVETT] It's fop Finest in the shop Or we have some shepherd's pie peppered With actual shepherd on top! And I've just begun Here's the politician, so oily It's served with a doily Not one! [TODD] Put it on a bun Well, you never know if it's going to run! [MRS. LOVETT] Try the friar Fried, it's drier! [TODD] No, the clergy is really Too coarse and too mealy! [MRS. LOVETT] Then actor That's compacter! [TODD] Yes and always arrives overdone! I'll come again when you have judge on the menu! [MRS. LOVETT] Wait, true, we don't have judge... yet But we've got something you might fancy even better! [TODD] What is that? [MRS. LOVETT] Executioner! [TODD] Have charity towards the world, my pet! [MRS. LOVETT] Yes, yes, I know, my love! [TODD] We'll take the customers that we can get! [MRS. LOVETT] High-born and low, my love! [TODD] We'll not discriminate great from small! No, we'll serve anyone Meaning anyone! [MRS. LOVETT/TODD] And to anyone! At all!