The Ghost Song (No Such Thing)

Lyrics

It floats up the staircase, it floats down the hall It floats into my bedroom, right through the wall It glides past my dresser to the bedpost I swear, I'm looking at a ghost! Nah! There's no such thing, it's not a ghost Because there's no such thing, I can't be frightened Of a globby green glow 'Cause there's no such thing It picks up some playing cards and shuffles the back It goes to the kitchen and fixes a snack It plays the piano, it swings on the swing It does a lot, considering there's no such thing Then it boots my computer, as quick as you please It floats on the keyboard, it presses some keys "What creature may you be?" comes up on the screen I type in, "a human being." Suddenly, the room grows as icy as winter And something came out of the printer... "No such thing! You can't be human 'Cause there's no such thing, those human stories They scare ghosts so But we know there's no such thing!" Now hold the phone! "I'm really real!'' "You're not!" "I am!" "You're not!" "You're wrong!" I cried "All right, let's play a game of cards to decide." "Okay. Whoever wins the game That one's real." He types out, "You got it. Now deal!" I ask him for aces, he types out, "Go fish." He asks me for sevens, I type out, "You wish!" "Jacks?" "Sorry." "Queens?" "No." "Sixes?" "Uh-uh." "Twos?" We play for an hour, and guess what? I lose! "No such thing. You don't exist! There's so such thing!" It made me crazy To be told where to go By something, there's no such thing The story now is over, the story is through And some of you may even think this story is true But, there's no such thing, it didn't happen 'Cause there's no such thing, I made the whole thing up So I ought to know And I know there's no such thing There's no such thing There's no such thing I hope!