Lyrics

Walking down old Winery Road with you this June Walking down West Main Street meets Napa Street, with you, this June Driving over to Boyes Hot Springs with you this June To get some chard enchiladas It takes a bold enchilada To be a chard enchilada With so much competition from the other types of enchiladas to wash down with you over chatter Chicken Shrimp Cheese Enchiladas Chicken mole And beef enchiladas To be a chard enchilada is seriously stepping out You're on the bench all the time but when the order comes in you gotta be fresh because chard is rough, and peculiar enough If you're going to be a chard enchilada You better toughen up You got not only be fresh But be the best chard enchilada anybody has ever tasted Because to be a bad tasting chard enchilada gives chard an even worse name To be a chard enchilada is to be an underdog in a very tough game But over at El Molino they got the best chard enchiladas ever made To be honest those chard enchiladas are the only reason I even go to Sonoma If it wasn't for those chard enchiladas I'd prefer to eat Mexican food in San Francisco La Taqueria El Castillo I don't mind going there and passing the homeless and the tenderloin streets You can get chicken enchiladas anywhere But for chard enchiladas you gotta go over there to Central Avenue in Boyes Hot Springs To be a bassoonist is a very bold thing To play the bassoon is boredom Your phone is never gonna ring If you're practising in your apartment all your neighbours might be hating you If you're playing the bassoon you better hit the best notes the bassoon ever blew Because if you do the orchestra might just make a spot for you If you're practising the bassoon not only will the neighbours be complaining and hating You're picking an instrument that will keep the chicks from chasing you You got a lot of competition playing bassoon The violinist The saxophonist The pianist The cellist I mean, let's be real, playing the bassoon is far less glamorous You might even get more love playing the kazoo than playing the bassoon Plus you're up at 3 o'clock in the morning making your own reeds Out of bamboo Thinking god damn of all instruments why did I pick the bassoon But if you pick the bassoon I got a lot of respect for you Playing a five foot long instrument with a mouthpiece that's as long and twisted as an old garter snake Is there anybody out there famous who plays the bassoon? I'm talking Kenny G famous Clarence Clemons famous Miles Davis famous Louie Armstrong famous Ian Anderson played the flute but what band you know of was founded by a guy who played the bassoon? I can't think of a single one Can you? Therefore I salute you, you who plays the bassoon Because from the moment you selected that instrument the odds were against you I salute you for playing the best that can possibly be played Because if you don't play it impeccably you give the bassoon an even less flashy name I always thought my favourite song was carried by the bassoon "Send in the Clowns" by Judy Collins As it turns out it was actually an English horn I asked a few musician friends Who's a good bassoonist? Hands down they said a guy named Paul Hanson comes to mind So I reached out at Paul and I asked Paul, do you mind, playing a bassoon solo on this song of mine? To be a dog in Scotland is a very unlucky thing You'll be wet all the time from the Scotland rain Ever been to Edinburgh or Glasgow and seen the sun shine over there? I bet the answer is no But hey, at least you get to use the toilet indoors When a dog's gotta pee he looks at you like, oh no, here we go again, another rainy walk, in Glasgow To be a dog in Scotland you gotta be resilient, you got to make peace with the fact that you're always going to be wet Another dog that's got to be very tough to be is a prairie dog If you're a prairie dog you better move fast 'cause you got a lot of animals Skunks Owls The fox The coyote Human beings A lot of humans don't like prairie dogs growing in their yards Will sit on their porches all day with shotguns Ready to take your head off They don't want you digging up their yard A lot of people can't afford to have prairie dogs professionally removed Not everybody lives in Berkeley and will take it upon themselves to remove you by shooting you The safest place to be if you're a prairie dog is down in a hole But when you poke your head out, you never know If that's the last time you're gonna poke your head out of a hole To be a prairie dog has got to be a never-wrecking effort I salute the prairie dog, they got more predators than a rabbit in the desert Now the hardest plate I can thank of, other than being a chard enchilada, or a bassoonist, or a dog in Scotland, or a prairie dog Would be to be an albino alligator I don't know if this is true But I heard that when an albino alligator is hatched they are taken to the middle of the swamp by their pack, to a trap Other packs of alligators For the family of the albino alligator to attack