House Cat

Lyrics

One two three four, boom boom boom boom I'm hanging out in Cleveland in a cozy living room A panel on the news channel is seething They're giving that redhead a beating Going on about "Trump this" and "Trump that" Fuck all that, don't mean nothing to me I'm a big ol' fat lazy house cat Slippin' around the house on my fuzzy paws I sleep while you humans argue about building walls And Donald's tweets and Russian hackers When you're a cat, you get to sleep all day and say "fuck all that" I'm a house cat so I get to say "fuck all you" and "fuck all that" I'm a house cat so I get to say "fuck all you" and "fuck all that" Aw what, now a dam broke in Oroville Aw fuck, this shit is horrible Remember that BP gulf coast oil spill? Gushing gushing gushing gushing gushing gushing gushing Bubble bubble bubble bubble bubble bubble bubble Polluting polluting polluting polluting polluting polluting polluting Dead birds, dead fish, dead plants, and thick black water People go "Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump" I eat my dry food and I go "Crunch crunch crunch Crunch crunch crunch crunch crunch" And I jump on the bed, when I jump off my paws go "Thump thump thump thump thump" When I find a spot to sit in the sun sun sun sun sun sun I dream about birds and a feline across the street I'm crushing on Did that human being just say "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck that Trump"? Did that human being just say "Put him in prison and give him the bitch bunk"? Did that human being just say "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck that Trump"? What comes out of human beings' mouths Is the same thing that comes out of my cat butt My voice goes "Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow" I don't care about your human being bullshit issues Just give me my cat chow If you ever want me love, you want me to nap Then you better turn off that obnoxious talking to the television crap You used to be a really sweet cat [?] pat Now you're always pointing fingers Saying some asshole did this and some asshole did that I'm an old house cat and I'm wiser than you Trump's gonna build a wall like I'm gonna fly to the moon And Cleveland will still be here in 2032 And there will still be demand for dry and wet Purina cat food And your phone will be archaic and you'll still be getting fooled Into buying the latest gizmos like you always do I'm a cat and I'm easy, just give me a treat or two And I'll be real real nice to you That's good for me and all I'll find that spot in the sun and I'll stretch my paws and I'll roll over You give me a nice scratch and a nice little belly rub And you get on your stomach and I'll get on And I'll give you a nice shoulder rub I'm a lot of use to you, it's good to have me around You gaze into my eyes and your blood pressure goes down And I'm here for you when your friends can't be found I'm here for you on Valentine's Day Keeping your wife company while you're out of town I lay beside you when you are down I make you giggle when you are frowning You go to work, and you give me my water and my dry food And the mailman comes by knocking like he always does, boom boom boom boom I could care less what he has to deliver It's never for me, it doesn't fit my job description I'm a cat, not your secretary mister mister I don't care about the United States' relations with Moscow Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow I don't know why you humans even stick around, you're always complaining And you kiss your boss' ass until your nose turns brown Why don't you just jump into the ocean at the same time and drown? All you do is stare at your computer and watch cat videos on YouTube And if it's Christmas time and you ain't got no lovin' Snuggle up next to my fluff fluff fluffin' And if it's your birthday and you ain't got no lovin' There's lots of fluff fluff fluff fluff fluffin' And if it's Friday night and you ain't got no lovin' Just squeeze me, I'm soft as a muff muff muff muff muffin If it's Saturday night and you ain't got no lovin' Just squeeze me, I'm full of stuffin'