A Little Priest

Lyrics

[MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Oh my God! Oh, what have you done? What're we gonna do? [TODD, spoken] Later, when it's dark, we'll take him out and bury him [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Well, I suppose we could do that I mean, I don't, I don't suppose no neighbors are gonna come Poking around looking for him You know me, ideas they just pop into me head and I was thinking [MRS. LOVETT] Seems a downright shame [TODD, spoken] Shame? [MRS. LOVETT] Seems an awful waste Such a nice plump frame Wot's-his-name Has Had Has Nor it can't be traced Business needs a lift Debts to be erased Think of it as thrift As a gift If you get my drift No? Seems an awful waste I mean With the price of meat what it is When you get it If you get it [TODD, spoken] Oh! [MRS. LOVETT] Good, you got it Take, for instance Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop Business never better, selling only pussycats and toast Now a pussy's good for maybe six or seven at the most And I'm sure it can't compare as far as taste [TODD, MRS. LOVETT] Mrs. Lovett What a charming notion Eminently practical (Well, it does seem a waste) And yet appropriate as always Mrs. Lovett How I've lived without you all these years I'll never know (Think about it) How delectable (Lots of other gentlemen'll soon be coming for a shave) Also undetectable (Won't they?) How choice (Think of all them) How rare (Pies) [TODD] For what's the sound of the world out there? [MRS. LOVETT] What, Mr. Todd, what, Mr. Todd What is that sound? [TODD] Those crunching noises pervading the air? [MRS. LOVETT] Yes, Mr. Todd, yes, Mr. Todd Yes, all around [TODD] It's man devouring man, my dear [TODD & MRS. LOVETT] And who are we to deny it in here? [TODD, spoken] Toby? [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Toby? [TODD, spoken] These are desperate times, Mrs. Lovett Desperate measures are called for [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Here we are, hot from the oven [TODD, spoken] What is that? [MRS. LOVETT] It's priest Have a little priest [TODD] Is it any good? [MRS. LOVETT] Sir, it's too good, at least Then again, it don't commit sins of the flesh So it's pretty fresh [TODD] Awful lot of fat [MRS. LOVETT] Only where it sat [TODD] Haven't you got poet Or something like that? [MRS. LOVETT] No, you see the trouble with poet Is how do you know it's Deceased? Try the priest [TODD, spoken] Oh, it's heavenly! It's not as hearty as bishop, perhaps But it's not as bland as curate, either [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] And good for business, too, always leaves you wanting more Trouble is, we only get it Sundays [MRS. LOVETT] Lawyer's rather nice [TODD] If it's for a price [MRS. LOVETT] Order something else, though, to follow Since no one should swallow It twice [TODD] Anything that's lean? [MRS. LOVETT] Well then, if you're British and loyal You might enjoy Royal Marine Anyway, it's clean Though of course, it tastes of wherever it's been [TODD] Is that squire On the fire? [MRS. LOVETT] Mercy no, sir Look closer You'll notice it's grocer [TODD] Looks thicker More like vicar [MRS. LOVETT] No, it has to be grocer—it's green [TODD] The history of the world, my love [MRS. LOVETT] Save a lot of graves Do a lot of relatives favors [TODD] Is those below serving those up above [MRS. LOVETT] Everybody shaves So there should be plenty of flavors [TODD] How gratifying for once to know [TODD & MRS. LOVETT] That those above will serve those down below [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Now then Let's see, what we got here? Um, tinker [TODD, spoken] Something pinker [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Tailor? [TODD, spoken] Something paler [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Potter? [TODD, spoken] Something hotter [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Butler? [TODD, spoken] Something subtler [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Locksmith? [TODD, spoken] What's that? [MRS. LOVETT] It's fop Finest in the shop And I've got some shepherd's pie peppered With actual shepherd On top And I've just begun Try the politician; so oily Served with a doily— Have one? [TODD] Put it on a bun Well, you never know if it's going to run [MRS. LOVETT] Try the friar Fried, it's drier [TODD] No, the clergy is really Too coarse and too mealy [MRS. LOVETT] Then actor— It's compacter [TODD] Eh, always arrives overdone I'll come again when you have judge on the menu [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Oh, all right! It's true, I don't have judge yet But, but, but I think I've got something you might fancy even better [TODD, spoken] And what's that? [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Executioner [TODD] Have charity towards the world, my pet [MRS. LOVETT] Yes, yes, I know, my love [TODD] We'll get the customers that we can get [MRS. LOVETT] High-born and low, my love [TODD] We won't discriminate great from small No, we'll serve anyone— [TODD & MRS. LOVETT] Meaning anyone— And to anyone At all