Unicorns Get More Bacon

Lyrics

Hello, it's nice to be here, I've been pacing backstage That's actually a lie, there is no backstage But I made up these songs and I chose to play them here I can only hope you like them, how am I doing so far? You see, my songs are like my kids, I have a fuck ton of them And some are kind of good, others are just assholes You used to clap and cheer when people would sing up here And I'm not content to do this while you look at your cell phone They said an artist needs a patron and unicorns get more bacon But they cheer the loudest for what I like least So I thought that it would be fun to get you on my side up front And what I gotta know is are you with me? Well, it's still good to be here no matter your response At this point in my career, I'm surprised there's an audience And you all look really nice, have you been working oot? I just sang that like a Canadian, what was that aboot? And now a little about me, I made records and CDs I have a wife, a dog, a daughter, and two bunnies And did I mention to be here? Well I'm totally not pandering And we're gonna get this started, but first some honesty They said an artist needs a patron and unicorns get more bacon But they cheer the loudest for what I like least So I thought that it would be fun to get you on my side up front And what I gotta know is are you with me? Now it's time for the bridge, so here's the bridge It's a pretty good bridge, don'tcha think? And now it's time for the third verse, they say it's the most important I don't subscribe to that theory, but hey, let's try one Uh, I'm out of ideas, but I think you get the point Thank you for your time, I hope you've enjoyed it Oh, and an artist needs a patron and unicorns get more bacon But they cheer the loudest for what I like least So I thought that it would be fun to get you on my side up front And what I gotta know is are you with me? So what I gotta know is are you with me? So what I gotta know is are you with me?