Lyrics

[Introduction: Louis Prima (and Sam Butera)] I'm gonna tell you a story now 'bout, 'bout this man who had this dog He had this dog and it was a big dog It was a bad dog, and it was mean A big, bad, mean dog and he barked This, this was a barkin' dog Vicious dog, big, bad, and, and vicious and he was mean Was a bark, and he barked And he had somethin' wrong with his feet Had an ingrown toenail on one foot And then he had athlete's foot on t'other And he walked with a lisp And he had a rash! This dog had a rash he couldn't reach But this was a bad dog and a barkin' dog The reason this dog was so miserable When he was a little pup and his man fed him those long Italian Red-hot peppers with oregano and, and garlic And, and, and watermelon seed But this man's got this dog for a special reason! He's livin' together lightly with this woman on the outskirts And, and, and there's a fella down the road apiece That he's worried about with, with a, with kinky hair and a saxophone Sam! (What?) [Verse 1: Louis Prima] You say you don't know my woman You, you, you never met her before You don't come visit me when I ain't home Well, this is what I wanna know I got this dog, he's the meanest dog in town How come my dog don't bark when you come around? [Verse 2: Louis Prima] This is a bad dog! Uh, this dog'd bite my sister or even my brother Uh, several weeks ago he tried to take a hunk outta Dean Martin's compade's mother He bit the mailman and he sees him every day But when you come to the house for the first time All that dog wanted to do was bring out the, uh, Sam Butera albums and play And put the Prima records away Somebody's foolin' around How come my dog don't bark when you come around? [Verse 3: Louis Prima] This is a bad dog, and I try to keep folks straight I even bought a 'bad dog' sign and I hung it on my gate Sam, but when you come through that gate last night What did that dog do? Looked at me and growled, and winked at you! Somebody's confusin' my old Sicilian greyhound? [Verse 4: Louis Prima (and Sam Butera)] One o' these nights, I'ma pretend I'm gone (no, wait a minute) And I ain't gonna be gone at all (now, wait a minute, Chief, wait a minute, man) Then I'll find out for myself who it is that's havin' a ball (no, I don't do that, man) If it's you, Sam, and that dog don't bark when you come through that gate (wait, I'll plead, I'll plead) I don't care how you plead! It's gonna be too late (wait a minute, man) I've got a barber's razor (you wouldn't do that) I'm gonna slit you long, deep, and wide And when they bury you, you mother You're gonna have some Italian dog meat by your side! [Outro: Louis Prima] I'll cut 'im up fourteen different ways!