Sunday Times

Lyrics

Well, I'm trying to read my Sunday Times It costs a nickel and twelve dimes I bought it late Saturday night I've almost finished but not quite It weighed a ton it seemed to me That each one of them must take a tree to make And also, I should think It takes about a gallon of ink Right off the bat it's Section One: Who, why, where, how and what got done The outlook's bleak, it's clear to see That Section One depresses me All the heavy duty news It gives you the over-informed blues And I'm so relieved when One's all through Thumb through One, get on to Two Now I'm a show-biz kinda guy The business is my life yeah, that's no lie Two's one of my favorite parts: Entertainment, Leisure Arts Which movie's great, which Broadway play Exclamation points the way The next time that things get this great Is Sports way up in Section Eight I hoist the Times into my lap And take some time out to heave some crap I guess some guys dig Section Three But Business bores the pants offa me If you want boring, here's a chore: The Week in Review, that Section Four Now who in the hell wants a review? Once was enough for me, thank you After Three and Four it's clear You want to get away from here Escape to somewhere and you'll thrive It's time to Travel - Section Five Guatamala's always quaint Although the right-wing death squads ain't Botanic salons down the block Better stay at home, escape culture shock The Magazine is Section Six With food and wine, full-color pics So sexy that you gotta stare At all the advertisements in there So glossy that the pages stick Flipping one at a time's a trick The crossword will keep you up late And it's camp if your kids are overweight Section Seven, Book Review It comes with me into the loo The TV section - that's Eleven Naturally that goes with Seven Seven-Eleven, that's it I read them there when 'ere I sit Reading reviews of those who write Leads one to think that one day one might You need a job - try Section Nine Oh, you're not jobless? Hey, that's fine Section Ten is Real Estate You're not homeless? Hey, that's great In this town everything is strange In this town life's subject to change What goes up comes down again Hold on to Nine, hold on to Ten Well, it's Tuesday and I'm still not done With Sunday's Times, son of a gun Monday and Tuesday's still unread I coulda read War and Peace instead A great relief I do not doubt When it's time to throw all of these Times out Tomorrow I'll buy Wednesday's Times It's just one nickel... Hey, just one nickel... Yeah, just one nickel and three dimes