I Remember Sex

Lyrics

[Intro: Dame Edna Everage] What are you thinking, Loudon? You've got a far-away look in your eyes… [Verse 1: Loudon Wainwright III & Dame Edna Everage] I remember sex That thing we used to do Where you'd lay down, and, usually I'd lie on top of you Sometimes, I'd lie on top of you We tried that out a bit But it didn't work as well I guess something just didn't fit! [Verse 2: Loudon Wainwright III & Dame Edna Everage] I remember sex We had it at night A few times in the morning Or after we would fight, oh! And on special occasions When we'd had too much to drink Once in a Morris Minor A convertible, I think! [Verse 3: Loudon Wainwright III, Dame Edna Everage, & Both] I remember sex It was such a big deal That we'd worry where it would come from Much more than our next meal And we were always hungry Often, we overate And it was up and down And back and forth and hurry up and wait [Verse 4: Loudon Wainwright III & Dame Edna Everage] I remember sex And when we went to bed Sometimes, we didn't sleep at all We just had sex instead And having it was heavenly Not getting it, pure hell And it was either great or bad Few did it merely well [Verse 5: Loudon Wainwright III, Dame Edna Everage, & Both] I remember sex And how it made us feel Completely realistic Yet totally surreal A thing that we all talked about And all that we thought of The distant crazy cousin To that scary thing called love [Verse 6: Loudon Wainwright III, Dame Edna Everage, & Both] I remember sex I started on my own When you and I stopped having it I tried it on the phone But that was so expensive And sex is just a crutch And since we kicked the habit We don't think about it much [Verse 7: Loudon Wainwright III & Dame Edna Everage, & Both] But… I remember sex It was something that we did And we always used to worry... Ha! That we'd end up with a kid Then we'd have to get rid of it Or else, we'd have to wed These days sex can kill you, kids, so Stay awake in bed! [Outro: Dame Edna Everage] Oh, Loudon, what memories…