Lyrics

Good morning, please disrobe, I'll be with you in a moment What seems to be the matter, Mr. Sullivan? I don't know, doc Mm-hm I mean, it's all happening so so fast My arms hurt, my legs hurt Eew I'm dying here Now turn your head and cough Please turn your head and cough Hypochondriac, I'm back with a sore butt crack I've got scabies and rabies and hair on my back Oh help me doctor I'm illin', my heart is fillin' I'm retaining water start bailin' me out I think I might have gout Whenever I eat my teeth fall out my mouth I need surgery, what you don't believe me? Gimme an MRI, taste my pee I'm physically sick, I'm not a lunatic I almost died 'cause I popped a zit And it kept bleedin', my hairline is receedin' And I'm allergic to Hallmark greeting cards Herpes grows in my backyard, I'm a dead man waitin' to happen I'm a dead man waitin' to happen I'm a dead man waitin' to happen I'm a dead man waitin' to happen I'm a dead man waitin' to happen Last night I woke up in a cold sweat My feet were on fire and my sheets were all wet I was coughing up phlegm, thinkin' here we go again Gotta run to the bathroom and get my medicine I need an inhaler with some codeine I shouldn't have eaten those kidney beans Now my stomach's all tore up And my guts are declaring war on my butt I got nothin' to lose, nothin' to gain Feel my gray matter itchin' inside my brain And I'm drownin' in ear wax, I'm a dead man waitin' to happen I'm a dead man waitin' to happen I'm a dead man waitin' to happen, yeah I'm a dead man waitin' to happen I'm a dead man waitin' to happen Ok, hold on, Mr. Sullivan I need to check your blood again And give me your wrist to check your pulse There's something strange with your results The blood has changed from red to green The damnest thing I've ever seen The good news is there is a cure The bad news is you'll die for sure But I can dull the pain And ease that itchin' inside your brain Now come here and take a few of these pills Twenty bucks a pop, I'll put it on your bill Give me your arm, roll up your sleeve, this will burn a bit Stay real still, cause if you move, you'll need a tourniquet What are you doing? Don't worry, you haven't heard of it OW! Yeah, is your stomach turning yet? Blehh Good, that means it's workin' But doc I can't keep my arms from jerkin' Ayo, what's your final diagnosis? Honestly, your minute away from comatosis, son Really? Well if you want to hear it straight, you're a dead man waitin' to happen I'm a dead man waitin' to happen I'm a dead man waitin' to happen, yeah I'm a dead man waitin' to happen I'm a dead man waitin' to happen If I pass out, don't revive me I've been waitin' too long to be a dead man, G I got my first disease when I was three From a rusty nail stickin' out a toilet seat I need some pain killers, some tetracycline A couple of grams of powdered estrogen To ease up the swellin' in my midsection I got a broken finger and an ear infection Plus I got a rash from all this hand clappin' I'm a dead man waitin' to happen I'm a dead man waitin' to happen I'm a dead man waitin' to happen I'm a dead man waitin' to happen, yeah I'm a dead man waitin' to happen Stick your tongue out and say 'ah' Aaah..