Lyrics

I was at a party a while ago. It was an odd affair. I stood in a dark corner for most of the time, drinking vodka and Sprite. I danced with a girl. She kissed me. She got drunk. She lost her sweater. I gave her mine. I bought her a cab. She went home. I went back to the party. I stood in my dark corner again and ordered my fifth vodka and Sprite. Everyone was dancing. I imagined all my blood and organs teleporting a few feet outside of my body and plopping unceremoniously on the ballroom floor like butcher's scraps. I imagined my empty body wilting like a dead rose. I imagined no one noticing. I became obsessed with this vision. I became obsessed with this vision. I became obsessed. Soon, I left the party. Someone asked me "did you have fun?" Without thinking, I smiled, and I said "yes." Was it true? I didn't really know. I remind myself, so many of my emotions are false and practiced, it can be hard to tell how much of them are true -- if any at all. Sometimes, I feel false. I feel untrue. I smile. I frown. It makes no difference. Both lies. Both true. Am I really there? Or just pretending? Do I really love you? Or am I even capable? I wish I was a bullet. I wish I was a bullet. I wish I was a bullet. I wish I was a bullet. I wish I was a bullet.