Lyrics

Jack the slob to Venus prayed Prayed, prayed, merry merry prayed "Wilt this night I shall get laid Laid, laid, merry merry laid Tonight I shall get laid" The goddess said, "That shall I do Do, do, merry merry do But first I ask three things of you You, you, merry merry you I ask three things of you First: Go clean your teeth and bod and hair Hair, hair, merry merry hair And change your week old underwear Wear, wear, merry merry wear Your week old underwear Next: Pray, put on clothes that flatter you You, you, merry merry you A clean t-shirt and jeans will do Do, do, merry merry do A clean t-shirt will do Third: When a maid you would impress Press, press, merry merry press Pray, do not drool down her chest Chest, chest, merry merry chest Do not drool down her chest" Jack replied, "No thank you, ma'am Ma'am, ma'am, merry merry ma'am Send me a girl who'll take me as I am Am, am, merry merry am Who'll take me as I am Venus said "I'll tell you what What, what, merry merry what Though I should kick your lazy butt Butt, butt, merry merry butt Should kick your lazy Perhaps t'would be more fitting far Far, far, merry merry far To send you a maid who'll take you as you are Are, are, merry merry are Who'll take you as you are Pray, go at once to the city zoo Zoo, zoo, merry merry zoo There you'll find the maid for you You, you, merry merry you You'll find the maid for you" There he went with hopes held high High, high, merry merry high Until the ape house he came nigh Nigh, nigh, merry merry nigh The ape house he came nigh There a maiden him did view View, view, merry merry view And she was struck with passion true (ah) True, true, merry merry true Was struck with passion true Her hair was thick, her looks were free Free, free, merry merry free Indeed she was a lovely chimpanzee Zee, zee, merry merry zee A lovely chimpanzee She leaped the fence ere he could run Run, run, merry merry run And seized him boldly by the bun Bun, bun, merry merry bun She seized him by the bun She dragged him swiftly to her lair Lair, lair, merry merry lair For all that I know he may still be there There, there, merry merry there He may still be there So lazy swanes, you best believe Lieve, lieve, merry merry lieve You should not get the goddess peeved Peeved, peeved, merry merry peeved You should not get her peeved