​i used to

Song Meaning

The lyrics paint a picture of a past self, one that was more independent and engaged with a specific, perhaps niche, culture. The narrator recalls dancing alone and waiting for "rock transmissions," suggesting a solitary but passionate pursuit of music or a scene. This era felt defined by personal volition and specific, almost quirky, observations like "your hands in their weird positions" and liking hair while watching musicians. It was a time of shared understanding, hinted at by "You said we'd know," a promise that now feels hollow. The central tension arises from a relationship that fundamentally altered the narrator's sense of self and their connection to their past. This other person actively dismantled the narrator's "traditions" and "inhibitions," leading to a feeling of being "led far away" and ultimately "let go." The repeated phrase "talking tough" juxtaposed with the image of being in "prone positions" suggests a performative bravado that masks vulnerability or a loss of control. The initial sense of self-possession is replaced by an external force that dictates change. The most striking element is the shift from past certainties to present confusion and a desperate attempt to regain consciousness or clarity. The repeated "But that's all wrong / That's all gone" signifies a profound disillusionment with what was once believed or experienced. The insistent, almost frantic, repetition of "I'm still trying to wake up" and "Now's your time to wake up" underscores a struggle to escape a state of inertia or delusion, a feeling of being trapped in the aftermath of a transformative, and perhaps damaging, connection. It’s a raw expression of trying to reclaim agency after being profoundly influenced and then abandoned.