Scene of Professors

Lyrics

[FIVE PROFESSORS stand each behind his own lectern in a composite of classrooms. Each spouts his respective subject in competition with JOE's thoughts.] [CHEMISTRY PROFESSOR, spoken] An acid is monobasic, dibasic, or tribasic According to the number of replaceable hydrogen atoms Thus HNO3 is monobasic— [GREEK PROFESSOR & CHEMISTRY PROFESSOR, spoken] Book two of "The Odyssey" (H2SO4 is dibasic) Where we left off yesterday (H3PO2 is tribasic—) Mr. Taylor? [JENNIE, spoken] Dear Joe Hazel and Bob have the cutest white stucco house They're living together there like two lovebirds The lucky bums— [GREEK PROFESSOR, spoken] Mr. Taylor! [JOE, spoken] Uh, "Thus did Telemachus invoke Zeus And the all powerful answering his prayer Sent forth two eagles from his mountain Swift as thе wind of a storm they flew Wing tip to wing—" [ENSEMBLE] She is nеver away From her home in your heart In your heart every day She is playing her part [BIOLOGY PROFESSOR, spoken] All living matter proceeds from pre-existing living matter The new form takes on the character of that from which it came— [JENNIE, spoken] Hazel is going to have a baby! How I envy her That's all the news Fondly, Jennie [GUEST LECTURER, spoken] The aim of philosophy is to exhibit the universe As a rational system in the harmony of its parts [JENNIE, spoken] Dear Joe Popper is taking me to Europe! He wants me to meet new friends [ENSEMBLE, spoken] New friends? Get that, Joe? Her father wants her to find a husband [MAN 1, spoken] Some lousy nobleman, perhaps! [CHEMISTRY PROFESSOR, spoken] A molecule is the smallest part of a substance which can exist alone— [JOE, spoken] Alone [WOMEN, spoken] You'll never get her back Think of the men she'll meet on the steamer And when she gets to England, and Paris! [JENNIE, spoken] I met a charming boy named Bertram Woolhaven! [WOMEN, spoken] She wants to get married [MEN, spoken] She's tired of waiting for you [JOE, spoken] Damn her Damn her! [JENNIE, spoken] Bertram's father is in the coal and lumber business, too [ENSEMBLE, spoken] That's the end, Joe An alliance between two big lumber families It's the handwriting on the wall [ENGLISH PROFESSOR, spoken, reading Keats's "Eve of St. Agnes"] "Unclasps her warmed jewels one by one Loosens her fragrant bodice— [CHARLIE dreams of TWO GIRLS acting out the poem.] —By degrees Her rich attire creeps rustling to her knees Half-hidden like a mermaid in seaweed Pensive awhile, she dreams awake, and sees In fancy, fair St. Agnes in her bed But dares not look behind Or all the charm is fled" [PHILOSOPHY PROFESSOR, spoken] The pragmatic philosopher searches for the hypothesis Which can best serve him [ENSEMBLE, spoken] Philosophy, hell! You'll never drive her out of your mind [ENSEMBLE] In your heart every day She is playing her part [JENNIE, spoken] Bertram's teaching me to swim We're learning a new stroke [ENSEMBLE] She is never away And you'll never be free [PHILOSOPHY PROFESSOR, spoken] The Greek philosophers finally rebelled against fatalism We need not be dominated, they said [ENSEMBLE, spoken] We need not submit, Joe [WOMAN, spoken] We need not be dominated [MAN 2, spoken] To hell with her [ENSEMBLE, spoken] Lots of good fish in the sea [JOE, spoken] Charlie, did you say that girlfriend of yours had a sister? [CHARLIE, spoken] Ha! I'll say she has [JOE, spoken] Then get her! I'm on the loose!