Lyrics

Good Lord, my dad's a gynecologist and he can't drive no more. He got tunnel vision. *laughs* That's funny! That ain't very Christmasy, but that's funny Santy Claus, Santy Claus, up in the air Delivering all kinds of goodies to kids everywhere Santy Claus, Santy Claus, landing on my house Sliding down the chimney, quiet as a mouse Santy Claus, Santy Claus, sleigh up on lifts Rudolph's wearing the rebel flag and his hat says 'Grits-N-Tits' Santy Claus, Santy Claus, sliding down the chimney without fear Don't do that in San Francisco butt-first, Santy Claus; there's too many queers Santy Claus, Santy Claus, stirring under the tree Is he leaving a toolbox or is he taking a pee? Santy Claus, Santy Claus, you fatter than I thought You need to stay away from them cookies I bought Santy Claus, Santy Claus, lighting farts in the kitchen Throwing out big flames, man, it was bitching Santy Claus, Santy Claus, going back to the sled He just strangled Tickle Me Elmo under the tree and left him for dead Santy Claus, Santy Claus, leaving with them deers Careful, Rudolph; old Santy Claus has had too many beers Santy Claus, Santy Claus, I seen him go by Down to the bad, shady part of town; hell, he's just a regular guy Santy Claus, Santy Claus, he's waving at cars He's done for the night; son of a bitch is headed for titty bars Santy Claus, Santy Claus, take off that red suit And put on this hat and them Wrangler jeans and Gila Lizard boots Santy Claus, Santy Claus, lets stop at K-mart Get some cologne; damn, you smell like deer farts Santy Claus, Santy Claus, let's party all night Then let's go to Denny's; shoot, we'll do it up right Santy Claus, Santy Claus, I ate a Grand Slam without any trouble Then this morning I was sick, pooped a [???] Santy Claus, Santy Claus, I heard you say as you left the room 'Merry Christmas, fartknockers,' and I hope ya'll have many more Santy Claus, Santy Claus