I Never Do Anything Twice

Lyrics
[MADAME] When I was young and simple (I don't recall the date) I met a handsome Captain of the Guard He visited my chambers One evening rather late In tandem with a husky St. Bernard At first I was astonished And tears came to my eyes But later when I asked him to resume He said, to my surprise "My dear, it isn't wise Where love is concerned One must freshen the bloom Once, yes, once for a lark Twice, though, loses the spark One must never deny it But after you try it You vary the diet" Said my handsome young Guard "Yes, I know, that it's hard But no matter how nice I never do anything twice" Unh unh unh unh unh unh unh I think about the Baron Who came at my command And proffered me a riding crop and chains The evening that we shared Was meticulously planned He took the most extraordinary pains He trembled with excitement His cheeks were quite aglow And afterword he cried to me, "Encore!" He pleaded with me so To have another go I murmured caressingly "Whatever for?" Once, yes, once is a lark Twice, though, loses the spark Once, yes, once is delicious But twice would be vicious Or just repetitious Someone's bound to be scarred— Yes, I know that it's hard But, no matter the price I never do anything twice Unh unh unh unh unh unh unh And then there was the Abbot Who worshipped at my feet And dressed me in a wimple and in veils He made a proposition (Which I found rather sweet) And handed me a hammer and some nails In time we lay contented And he began again By fingering the beads around our waists I whispered to him then "We'll have to say Amen" For I had developed more catholic tastes Once, yes, once for a lark Twice, though, loses the spark As I said to the Abbot "I'll get in the habit But not in the habit" You've my highest regard And I know that it's hard— Still, no matter the vice I never do anything twice Once, yes, once can be nice Love requires some spice If you've something in view Something to do Totally new I'll be there in a trice! But I never do anything twice— Except— No, I never do anything twice
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Credits
- Writers
- Stephen Sondheim