I Shaved My Head

Lyrics

I shaved my head in the sink I left the water running I watched my hair block the drain And on the bathroom's flooding ground I'll build no ark for myself I long for end times coming I understood what it meant To need to kill and reset This stranger standing reflected With my old image blending Inside the mirror before me The death of self portended by All the years that I spent closing my eyes To try to change what I'd become now in life To die and start again I fixed my eyes on the light above The level rising And let it swallow me whole All gaps from floor to ceiling closed Up and onto my neck The steady water flowing Then climbing over my head I shut them tight to accept As if in amber suspended Both arms and legs extended The pressure bending the glass Then shattered out and down I went Forces pulling to the surface of earth Like some raptured body played in reverse To start and die again Two summers past At the bathroom sink and standing Shirtless cutting my beard You came in to sit and talk I watched you watch in the mirror Brought your trimmer grinning up to my head Said "Hey I'd never have to pay to get my hair cut again" Nervous laugh Said "You wouldn't—" Interrupted when the trimmer lowered Fistfuls of hair falling softly down To the floor before you And you cried for a minute when I did Like a child who saw their father for the first time with a shaven face A subtle change A sudden stranger Made and then betrayed The shape turned unfamiliar First I thought you were scared that I could never grow it back again Now I see at least six months passed since you'd recognized me A decade spent dissociating Backwards from the past Inside alive and laughing Still A minor change in desperation A minor change in desperation A mirrored shape my bent reflection made Shaved my head to force a change To be un-recognized