Начало (Start)

Song Meaning

The song opens with a stark image: a birthday celebrated alone in the yard, immediately setting a tone of isolation. The narrator acknowledges a past belief in friendship but admits to a present inability to recall faces from recent nights out, suggesting a disconnect from those connections. This sense of detachment is amplified by the admission of returning to smoking and the blunt observation from someone named Pash that the narrator has long since succumbed to drinking, a state the narrator seems to accept with weary resignation. The core tension lies in the narrator's fractured identity and emotional withdrawal. They question their own nature, oscillating between "evil" and "good," and actively keep others at a distance, admitting, "I don't let anyone closer than sex." This self-imposed isolation is further emphasized by the absence of a muse, a creative inspiration they once believed they were preserving for a grander purpose, now revealed as a false hope. A particularly striking element is the rapid-fire list of identities and roles: "Halfback, I conjure, I'm a beast / Let's go another round at the falcons, taxi driver / Florist, Baptist, Marxist, artist." This barrage of disparate labels, culminating in "creator, then sorrow, then just a Mountain," highlights a profound sense of self-fragmentation. The narrator seems to be grasping for definition, trying on various personas without finding a stable sense of self, perhaps reflecting the chaotic creative process or the disorienting nature of their struggles. Ultimately, the lyrics resonate through their raw portrayal of self-alienation and a desperate search for meaning amidst personal chaos. The direct address to an indifferent listener – "You don't care what I write – that's why I love you" – is a poignant, almost perverse expression of connection found in shared apathy. The album title, "GORE-TVORETS" (Sorrow-Creator), and the closing "Amen" underscore the heavy, almost spiritual weight of this creative and personal struggle.