Choice*

Song Meaning

Kevin Abstract's snippet of "Choice*" plunges into the murky waters of co-dependent relationships and self-destructive tendencies. The repeated question, "Who do you call when you want another first choice?" hints at a craving for validation, a yearning to be someone's ideal, even if that ideal is ultimately unattainable. The lyrics quickly devolve into a haze of "green bills, blue bills, new pills turquoise," painting a picture of escapism and self-medication, a frantic search for fleeting highs to mask deeper insecurities. This pursuit of manufactured pleasure is juxtaposed with the admission that "sleep gets worse when I'm cranking up the white noise," suggesting that these coping mechanisms only amplify the underlying anxieties. The line, "Think I made the right choice," drips with uncertainty, as if Abstract is trying to convince himself of a decision he already regrets. This sense of internal conflict is further emphasized by the admission that he's treated like an "eyesore," yet he still "open[s] up the blinds for it," a masochistic willingness to expose himself to further pain. The mention of a "passport" in his pocket hints at a desire to flee, to escape the toxic cycle, but the very act of carrying it becomes another form of self-inflicted torment. The shift to more direct and accusatory lines – "Bitch, you know you like to suffer / Bitch, you like to watch me suffer" – reveals a dynamic of mutual infliction, a recognition that both parties are complicit in the relationship's dysfunction. He positions himself as someone who strives for order and cleanliness ("I'm usually the one without clutter / I'm the one that clean with the gloves on"), contrasting this with the messy reality of his emotional life. The final line, "Said you like me more, but I'm not her," encapsulates the core insecurity driving the song: the feeling of being inadequate, of never quite measuring up to someone else's expectations. The song meaning ultimately resides in this tension between the desire for connection and the fear of never being truly accepted.