I’m Growing A Beard Downstairs For Christmas

Lyrics

[Verse 1] When I was a girl, just a little girl I couldn't wait 'til I became a woman And I could grow a thatch of curls A deep, dark forest to keep me warm in this cold world [Verse 2] And days became weeks, weeks became months Months turned to years and it was like magic It grew and grew, the greatest bush That the kingdom ever knew [Pre-Chorus] But at the turn of the millennium A fever gripped the land It was decreed that all the women Look like little girls again [Chorus] But now I'm growing a beard downstairs for Christmas Growing a downstairs beard for you I'm growing a beard downstairs for Christmas Growing it big, growing it thick, growin' it for you [Post-Chorus] Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby Merry Christmas, I'm growing it strong and true Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby [Verse 3] When I was a boy, just a little boy I was embarrassed by my body's changes But then one day at the local pool I saw a life guard with hair growing out of his anus [Verse 4] I was so impressed, it looked like Tom Selleck's chest He was so proud as he towelled it down I couldn't wait to cultivate My very own hairy bum gown [Pre-Chorus 2] But at the start of the millennium Spandex gripped the land Every back sack and crack was attacked with wax Now I'm growing it back, a gift for you to unwrap [Chorus] Now I'm growing a beard downstairs for Christmas Growing a downstairs beard for you I'm growing a beard downstairs for Christmas Growing it big, growing it thick, growin' it for you [Post-Chorus] Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby Merry Christmas, I'm growing it strong and true Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby [Bridge] We'll keep each other warm at night With our jingle bell hairy stalactites We'll watch each other grow and grow I'll stick to you, I'll stick to you Like velcro [Chorus] Now I'm growing a beard downstairs for Christmas Growing a downstairs beard for you Now I'm growing a beard downstairs for Christmas I'm growing it big, growing it thick Now I'm growing a beard downstairs for Christmas Growing a downstairs beard for you Now I'm growing a beard downstairs for Christmas Growing it big, growing it thick, growin' it for you [Outro] Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby Merry Christmas, I'm growing it strong and true Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas baby