Australian Idol

Lyrics

[Verse 1] I was having a bad week I crashed the car And the cat carked it And I weighed myself outside Woolie's And I'd put on four kilos [Verse 2] Arranged to meet an old friend for coffee I poured my heart out – Told her all about poor dead fluffy And the bloody car And did she think I should go on a diet? [Pre-Chorus 1] She studied my face, trying to frame the words to say With just the right blend of sympathy and advice She took a big breath Looked into my eyes and she said: [Chorus 1] "You should go on Australian Idol! Even if you don't win, you'll have a great time Don't worry that you don't look like a supermodel They're even letting fatties on there now So you should be fine" [Verse 3] I said "Thanks, I feel a lot better Now" then I erased her number From my phone I didn't know How much we'd grown apart [Verse 4] The very next day was my birthday No one called Except my grandma She was drunk She just needed a lift home from the pub [Pre-Chorus 2] Then that Sunday night, I went to dinner with my rellies They said "Happy Birthday! Do you mind if we put the tv on? It's nearly the final of Australian Idol" [Chorus 2] "And Kate, you should go on Australian Idol You're much prettier than her – she looks like a pudding" "You'll win it no worries love" said my uncle And I just turned and looked at him like he Was something that I stood in [Bridge] And don't get me wrong – If I turn on the tv and it's on I can't stop watching Even with the ads Even with those two dickheads blabbing on Between songs I love to see their spirits crushed Their egos shattered I love the ones that really suck In the first auditions I love to watch them sob Their dreams in tatters And I laugh While I eat my dinner They're crying in their 5-star hotel And I'm cackling on my cack-brown couch And it's not that I am jealous, I'm not jealous, I'm not jealous [Verse 5] The next Sunday, I had a pretty bad hangover Feeling kinda grumpy Sitting on the couch Eating Pringles Feeling sorry for myself [Verse 6] I flipped to Channel 10 And before I knew it I was watching a really short guy Singing that really annoying song By Craig David [Pre-Chorus 3] Suddenly I rose to my feet It must have been divine intervention I saw the light in front of me And I screamed! [Chorus 3] Why am I watching Australian Idol? (God!) Am I really reduced to this pitiful state? (Jesus!) I may as well just head down to my local karaoke bar Or better still just change to SBS You better believe it'll change ABC So Marcia, Dicko, whatever your name is… Shove it up your ass! Shove it up, shove it up, shove it up (Australian Idol) Shove it up, oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh oh! (Australian Idol) Shove it up, shove it, shove it, shove it, shove it shove it... (Australian Idol) Ah! (Australian Idol)