Lyrics

[SAM] My mom is a statistician And she sees statistics everywhere [BEVERLY] Two to one, you'll hit a red light Fifty to one, you hit a bear [SAM] She sees the world as a high risk game Gambling with a fancy name Trying to cheat death and stay alive This is the way she taught me how to drive Observe [BEVERLY, spoken] Say a car is traveling down the road at a constant velocity of 57 miles per hour and a pedestrian is crossing the road at 2.5 miles per hour, if the driver sees the pedestrian from a distance of a 132 feet and brakes, decelerating at a rate of 11.1 miles per hour per second, will the car hit the pedestrian, if so, when? [SAM, spoken] The answer obviously is yes. In two seconds. Physics is easy. Just plug the right numbers into the equation. Driving is real [BEVERLY, spoken] Are you ready to drive? [SAM, spoken] Are you ready for me to drive? [BEVERLY] Sure, I've had a good life Slow down, Sam You're growing up too fast When it's time to go I will let you know I'll tell you when, Sam Until then, Sam, let's just take things slow SLOW DOWN, SAM, JESUS! Do you know how many people die in car wrecks every year? [SAM] Yes, I do [BEVERLY] You don't [SAM] I do! [SAM & BEVERLY] 41,000 people every year [SAM] I know [BEVERLY] That's a hundred people a day [SAM] Mom! [BEVERLY] Sam, you'll be a dead man [SAM] Woman [BEVERLY] Children under twenty shouldn't be allowed to drive You can't trust your frontal cortex if you wanna stay alive You grip on tighter when you steer And overcompensate with fear Or you will die tomorrow in the middle of the night You crash and skid into a ditch And no one will be able to find your mangled, dead, corpse [SAM, spoken] Yep, that's the mother I know and love [BEVERLY] Ooh