How I Became a Pirate

Lyrics

I am plastic man I become the bridge you walk on And I'm your bedroom lamp I can guard you while you sleep But I don't understand Anything about the Export business The troubles with tariffs Or formal dinners Your father holds me to The marriage has been set For the fourth of this December That's 48 more days I'll be cleaning the latrine I'm always up on deck I'm so tired of these Frozen oceans And brokenhearted sailors And all their sailing terms Love has just become some used-up word I dream about a world that's something better A paradise of booby-filled pudding desserts A land where all the sand is clean There's not a single footprint to be seen I'd like it if you came along I don't think I can go there on my own I don't know where this is going So let's go slow, yeah Oh my god I think I'm flowing, yeah, yeah, I I wish I'd known before That your mouth's an open door Oh, now every crewman knows How they whisper through the night And they're planning a revolt 'Cause they're tired of your Mother's sweater She makes us wear them They're all the same type Black and white stripes They call me "Captain" And pledge their devotion And plot out courses To fix their divorces Now, why did you tell them? They've gone and changed everything There's no more pudding There's hardly anything 'cept All their worries And petty insecurities I don't have what it takes to Make your parents Walk that long wood plank