The Worst Pies in London

Lyrics

[MRS. LOVETT, spoken] A customer! (sung) Wait! What's yer rush? What's your hurry? You gave me such a— Fright. I thought you was a ghost Half a minute, can'tcher? Sit! Sit ye down! Sit! All I meant is that I Haven't seen a customer for weeks Did you come here for a pie, sir? Do forgive me if my head's a little vague— (spoken) Ugh! What was that? (sung) But you'd think we had the plague— From the way that people— Keep avoiding— (spoken) No, you don't! (sung) Heaven knows I try, sir! But there's no one comes in even to inhale— Right you are, sir. Would you like a drop of ale? Mind you, I can't hardly blame them— Thesе are probably the worst pies in London I know why nobody carеs to take them— I should know I make them But good? No The worst pies in London— Even that's polite The worst pies in London— If you doubt it, take a bite (spoken) Go on.  (sung) Is that just disgusting? You have to concede it It's nothing but crusting— (spoken) Spit.  (sung) Here drink this, you'll need it The worst pies in London— And no wonder with the price of meat What it is When you get it Never Thought I'd live to see the day Men'd think it was a treat Finding poor Animals Wot is dying in the street Mrs. Mooney has a pie shop Does a business but I've noticed something weird— Lately, all her neighbors' cats have disappeared Have to hand it to her— What I call Enterprise Popping pussies into pies Wouldn't do in my shop— Just the thought of it's enough to make me sick And I'm telling you them pussy cats is quick! No denying times is hard, sir— Even harder than The worst pies in London Only lard and nothing more— Is that just revolting? All greasy and gritty? It looks like it's molting And tastes like— Well, pity A woman alone With limited wind And the worst pies in London! Oh, sir Times is hard Times is hard