Gay Old Life

Lyrics

[HARRIS, spoken] I've been meaning to tell you for some time There's no easy way to say this, but, but [TREVOR, spoken] But what? [HARRIS, spoken] Ha, I'm gay [CRAIG, spoken] What the fuck dad, you're gay? [HARRIS, spoken] Well I was hoping for a little more enthusiasm, but yes Craig I'm gay Queer as a three-dollar bill and just as stale [HARRIS] I wake up, drink my coffee Have brunch around eleven Walk my Bichon Frisé Then nap 'til half past seven A night out at the Symphony Such elegance, what poise Or maybe I'll just stay at home with my two sewer boys The answer is perfectly clear It's a gay old life, being queer [HARRIS] There's nothing dangеrous about vacationing in Spain That is, until you have thrown half you're savings down the drain But monеy should be spent on things both lovely and refined The sewer boys drink blood for fun and also read my mind Don't get in a tizzy, my dear It's a gay old life, being queer [CRAIG, spoken] What the fuck are those things? [HARRIS, spoken] My sewer boys Pale little inbred creatures, live underground Only communicate in clicks and whistles [CRAIG, spoken] What are they? Explain this to me [HARRIS, spoken] Ha, well it's a long story, very well Well, yeah, get a hat [HARRIS] Many decades ago, I was down in the sewer [CRAIG, spoken] Why? [HARRIS, spoken] Shh, Daddy is singing [HARRIS] Rowing my boat through the slime and manure [CRAIG, spoken] How did you get a boat into the sewer? [HARRIS, spoken] You wanna hear the story or not? [HARRIS] Collecting adventures and treasures galore But I couldn't guess, what fate had in store I rounded a bend, and what did I see? Two creatures so bloody, so foul, so carefree They were taking a bath in the corpse of a swine And that's when I knew, they had to be mine I tried to entice them, but they were too quick Tried to rip out my trachea, bite off my dick With a club, I subdued them and made to depart And I stole the two creatures, who'd stolen my heart [CRAIG, spoken] Jesus [HARRIS] My boy, there's no reason to jeer It's a gay old life, be-ing kuh-weer [HARRIS, EVELYN] I bathe in bleach (Skiing up in Aspen) I play the horn (And sailing off West Palm) One time I died (The snow is fine as powder) I suck on corn (The waves are always calm) I poison fruit (But no matter where I am) I kissed a chair (There is no way I can resist) The urge to climb below the street and smell that stinky mist (I juggle for exercise, never use alphabet and a tornado's my friend) The answer is perfectly clear It's a gay old life, being queer I have no pussy