A Little Priest

Lyrics

[MRS. LOVETT, spoken] That's all very well. What're we gonna do about him? [TODD, spoken] Later on, when it's dark, we'll take him to some secret place and bury him.  [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Well, of course, we could do that I don't suppose he's got any relatives going to come poking around looking for him You know me, bright ideas just pop into me head and I keep thinking Seems a downright shame [TODD, spoken] Shame? [MRS. LOVETT] Seems an awful waste Such a nice plump frame Wot's-his-name Has Had Has Nor it can't be traced Business needs a lift Debts to be erased Think of it as thrift As a gift If you get my drift No? Seems an awful waste I mean With the price of meat what it is When you get it If you get it [TODD, spoken] Ha, ha, ha [MRS. LOVETT] Good, you got it Take, for instance Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop Business never better, using only pussycats and toast And a pussy's good for maybe six or seven at the most And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste [TODD, MRS. LOVETT] Mrs. Lovett What a charming notion Eminently practical (Well, it does seem a waste) And yet appropriate as always Mrs. Lovett How I've lived without you all these years (It's an idea) I'll never know (Think about it) How delectable (Lots of other gentlemen'll soon be coming for a shave) Also undetectable (Won't they?) How choice (Think of all them) How rare (Pies) [TODD] For what's the sound of the world out there? [MRS. LOVETT] What, Mr. Todd, what, Mr. Todd What is that sound? [TODD] Those crunching noises pervading the air? [MRS. LOVETT] Yes, Mr. Todd, yes, Mr. Todd Yes, all around [TODD] It's man devouring man, my dear [TODD & MRS. LOVETT] And who are we to deny it in here? [TODD, spoken] Ah, these are desperate times Mrs. Lovett, and desperate measures are called for.  [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Here we are, hot from the oven.  [TODD, spoken] What is that? [MRS. LOVETT] It's priest Have a little priest [TODD] Is it really good? [MRS. LOVETT] Sir, it's too good, at least Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh So it's pretty fresh [TODD] Awful lot of fat [MRS. LOVETT] Only where it sat [TODD] Haven't you got poet Or something like that? [MRS. LOVETT] No, you see the trouble with poet Is how do you know it's Deceased? Try the priest [TODD, spoken] Mm, heavenly.  [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Ah.  [TODD, spoken] Not as hearty as bishop, perhaps, but then not as bland as curate, either.  [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] And good for business, always leaves you wanting more Trouble is, we only get it in Sundays [MRS. LOVETT] Lawyer's rather nice [TODD] If it's for a price [MRS. LOVETT] Order something else, though, to follow Since no one should swallow It twice [TODD] Anything that's lean [MRS. LOVETT] Well then, if you're British and loyal You might enjoy Royal Marine Anyway, it's clean Though of course, it tastes of wherever it's been [TODD] Is that squire On the fire? [MRS. LOVETT] Mercy no, sir Look closer You'll notice it's grocer [TODD] Looks thicker More like vicar [MRS. LOVETT] No, it has to be grocer—it's green [TODD] The history of the world, my love [MRS. LOVETT] Save a lot of graves Do a lot of relatives favors [TODD] Is those below serving those up above [MRS. LOVETT] Everybody shaves So there should be plenty of flavors [TODD] How gratifying for once to know [TODD & MRS. LOVETT] That those above will serve those down below [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Now, let's see We've got tinker [TODD, spoken] Something pinker [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Mm, tailor? [TODD, spoken] Mm, paler [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Potter? [TODD, spoken] Hotter [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Butler? [TODD, spoken] Subtler [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Locksmith? [MRS. LOVETT] Lovely bit of clerk [TODD] Maybe for a lark [MRS. LOVETT] Then again, there's sweep If you want it cheap And you like it dark Try the financier Peak of his career [TODD] That looks pretty rank [MRS. LOVETT] Well, he drank It's a bank cashier Last one really sold Wasn't quite so old [TODD] Have you any beadle? [MRS. LOVETT] Next week, so I'm told Beadle isn't bad 'til you smell it And notice how well it's Been greased Stick to priest [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Now this may be a bit stringy, but then again, it's fiddle player.  [TODD, spoken] Ah, no, no, no, that's not fiddle player. That's piccolo player.  [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] How can you tell? [TODD, spoken] Because it's piping hot.  [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Then blow on it first [TODD] The history of the world, my sweet [MRS. LOVETT] Oh, Mr. Todd, ooh, Mr. Todd What does it tell? [TODD] Is who gets eaten and who gets to eat [MRS. LOVETT] And, Mr. Todd, too, Mr. Todd Who gets to sell [TODD] But fortunately, it's also clear [TODD & MRS. LOVETT] That everybody Goes down well with beer [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Since marine doesn't appeal to you, how about Rear Admiral? [TODD, spoken] Too salty. I prefer General.  [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] With or without his privates? Wi— "With" is extra.  [TODD, spoken] What is that? [MRS. LOVETT] It's fop Finest in the shop Or we have some shepherd's pie peppered With actual shepherd On top And I've just begun Here's the politician; so oily It's served with a doily— Have one? [TODD] Put it on a bun Well, you never know if it's going to run [MRS. LOVETT] Try the friar Fried, it's drier [TODD] No, the clergy is really Too coarse and too mealy [MRS. LOVETT] Then actor— That's compacter [TODD] Yes, and always arrives overdone I'll come again when you Have judge on the menu [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Wait! True, we don't have judge yet, but we've got something you might fancy even better.  [TODD, spoken] What's that? [MRS. LOVETT, spoken] Executioner.  [TODD] Have charity towards the world, my pet [MRS. LOVETT] Yes, yes, I know, my love [TODD] We'll take the customers that we can get [MRS. LOVETT] High-born and low, my love [TODD] We'll not discriminate great from small No, we'll serve anyone— [MRS. LOVETT] Meaning anyone— [TODD & MRS. LOVETT] And to anyone At all