Swimming Alone in the Backyard

Lyrics

Head blank Head blank, then flowing over Sometimes colours of another time present themselves as if they were the present But how can I be in the moment when every moment is the death of another moment, and another day is another day I still don't have the words, just "grief," and what a word, what a river of a word, it overflows, it overflows, it overflows If you let it in is it easier to swim While you look out at the city and think: I'm a failure Is that what falling in love is? Failing Letting the buildings come down on you Pulling a tooth til it's loose Sometimes we fail but Being a failure is just failing consistently (Failing consistently. Failing consistently.) Place your hands on a window Light a candle in a prayer While you look out at the city and think: I'm a failure (Failing consistently. Failing consistently.) Do you have enough wood to build your own house? Is that what you're supposed to do with your body? Put it in a building, live there, die there, set it on fire when you're ready Why do I follow you, or anything I guess I'd like to believe in something But I'm not sure what, or how Keep swimming Keep your head above water Not every river is for drowning in Even if it feels like That's all a current is for That can't be all that a current is for Some days I don't know about the colours Trying to see something In everything It's been weird on this road for a while There's some bricks I just don't think I can carry anymore Most of the time nothing feels real anyway Thinking homeward Putting a door on my head Something to shut or open up Another quiet night leaving scratches in all the ways I came to claim some sense of self – A map. A maze. A place I couldn't locate Seeing it sever What was it ever before and how does it seem To change and stay the same, I look outside I try to come Close enough to someone else And you warn me: What happens to me because of anyone else is just Random Will you help me carry these rocks? I'm trying to build something I'm trying to build something When it's done, I think I'll know When it's done, I think I'll know Will you still be here? Will you still be here? Will you still? Be. Here