Poor Unfortunate Souls (2016 Version)

Lyrics

I admit that, in the past, I've been a nasty They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch But you'll find that nowadays I've mended all my ways Repented, seen the light, and made a switch True? Yes I fortunately know a little magic It's a talent that I always have possessed And lately, please don't laugh I use it on behalf of the miserable, lonely, and depressed Pathetic Poor unfortunate souls In pain, in need This one longing to be thinnеr That one wants to get the girl And do I hеlp them? Yes, indeed Poor unfortunate souls So sad, so true They come flocking to my cauldron Crying, "Spells, Ursula, please!" And I help them! Yes, I do Now, it's happened once or twice Someone couldn't pay the price I'm afraid I had to rake 'em 'cross the coals Yes, I've had the odd complaint But on the whole, I've been a saint To those poor unfortunate souls The men up there don't like a lot of blabber They think a girl who gossips is a bore Yes, on land it's much preferred For ladies not to say a word And after all, dear, what is idle prattle for? Come on, they're not all that impressed with conversation True gentlemen avoid it when they can But they dote and swoon and fawn On a lady who's withdrawn It's she who holds her tongue who gets a man Come on, you poor unfortunate souls Go ahead, make your choice! I'm a very busy man You know haven't got all day It won't cost much Just your voice! Poor unfortunate soul It's sad, but true If you want to cross a bridge, my sweet You've got to pay the toll Take a gulp and take a breath And go ahead and sign the scroll! Flotsam, Jetsam, now I've got her, boys! The boss is on a roll! With these poor unfortunate souls!