Election Night

Lyrics

[DHH, spoken] The ballot box is a mystery Though no one exactly understands why it works We all trust in its ultimate wisdom (sung) Behold, I tell you, a mystery From our ancestral history How the leaders of our institution [Chorus] Ah ah ah ah [DHH] Are chosen by our Constitution [Chorus] Ah ah ah ah [DHH] It's easy, sensible, and smart Which you can learn by heart By repeating after me (spoken) You'll get this in no time (sung) You got two [Chorus] Two? [DHH} I said two, main parties [Chorus] Well whatsamatter with one? [DHH] Well folks, that would be authoritarian Utterly and totally A totalitarian government [Chorus] Totalitarian government? That would be bad! [Xue Xing, spoken] Why is that bad? [Chorus and DHH] You choose your views You win, you lose It's easy, sensible, and smart Which you can learn by heart [DHH] By repeating after me (spoken) Good so far? [Xue Xing] Yeah! [DHH, sung] The candidates are chosen through a primary or caucus Which leads to a convention that's orderly or raucous [Chorus] The candidates are chosen through a primary or caucus Which leads to a convention that's orderly or raucous [Female Chorus] Every four years and you can spend as much money as you want to [Xue Xing] Is that a good idea? [DHH] We're voting [Chorus] We're voting [DHH] We're voting [Chorus] We're voting [DHH] We're voting [Chorus] We're voting [DHH] In America [Chorus] In America [DHH] We're voting [Chorus] We're voting [DHH] We're voting [Chorus] We're voting [DHH] We're voting [Chorus] We're voting [DHH] In America [Chorus] In America [DHH] When do we vote? [Chorus] When do we vote? [DHH] On the Tuesday after the first Monday in the month of November [Chorus] The month of November [Chorus and DHH] On the Tuesday after the first Monday in the month of November [Chorus] We're voting We're voting We're voting We're voting [Chorus and DHH] In America! [Xue Xing] I got it! [DHH, spoken] Now onto college [Xue Xing] There's more? [Chorus, spoken] Now onto college? [DHH] The Electoral College [Chorus] Oh, the Electoral College! [DHH, sung] Each of the 50 states receives a number of electors Equal to its total number of Senators and Representatives [Xue Xing] Wait... [DHH] The electors are pledged to vote for the candidate of the party Unless they choose not to! [Xue Xing] What? [DHH] The winner of the majority of votes in each state takes all the state's electors In a winner-take-all system [Xue Xing] Why? [DHH] The Electoral College ensured that smaller and rural states Had a disproportionate say in selecting a president [Chorus and DHH] Which in the early days of our great nation Ensured they could keep their slaves! Hail, hail, the word of the ballot! Hail, hail, the word of the ballot! [DHH] And the next President of the United States is... [Chorus] The word of the ballot! [DHH] Not Hillary Clinton! [Chorus, spoken individually] What? That's not possible What just happened? Could the ballot box be wrong? But the ballot box is never wrong! So the next President is... [DHH and Xue Xing, spoken] The guy who hates China! [Chorus] We're with him, with the man With him we know we can Let our hatred run free Destroy our enemy With H-I-M we'll bury them Bring them to their knees These damn Chinese! [DHH] They've broken into the building! [Chorus member, spoken] Let's wreck this joint! [Chorus, spoken] Yeah! (sung) Make America great again! Make America great again! Make America, make America great again! [Some Chorus continues, some sing] Hear the call, make them fall Rip them all limb from limb We're with him We're with him [Chorus member, spoken] Chinese, go home!