I Don’t Know What Christmas Is (But Christmastime Is Here)

Lyrics

[Intro] Out on the third planet closest to the sun There's a special celebration And it sounds quite fun A jolly old fellow brings toys to everyone On a holiday they call Christmas Now I'm not gonna lie It makes no sense to me But here's what Earthlings told me About this Christmas mystery One, two, three four! [Verse 1] Santa is a furry freak With epic superpowers He flies to every human home In under fourteen hours He's a master burglar A pro at pickin' locks If you don't leave milk and cookies out He will put dung in your socks [Verse 2] If you act nicely through the night And don't jump on your bed Santa comes with sugar plums And hurls them at your head But if you're on his naughty list He shoots missiles at your toes He might just roast your chestnuts With his powerful flamethrower [Chorus] Rein, rein, rein, rein, rein! Deer, deer, deer, deer, deer! I don't know what Christmas is But Christmastime is here! [Verse 3] He's compelled his creepy elves To do his every wish One sought to be a dentist Now he's sleeping with the fish Mrs. Claus, she works the pole Plans her man's demise Soon the elves will all rise up And stab out Santa's eyes! [Chorus] Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! Earthlings are so weird! I don't know what Christmas is But Christmastime is here! Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho Earthlings are so weird I don't know what Christmas is But Christmastime is here! [Bridge] What the heck's a turtle dove And who lit up that deer? [Chorus] I don't know what Christmas is But Christmastime is here! I don't know what Christmas is But Christmastime is here! [Outro] Or maybe it's there Or it's somewhere I don't know