The Remarkable Farkle McBride

Lyrics

Oh, pity the prodigy Farkle McBride No matter what instrument poor Farkle tried Whether strumming or blowing, or drumming or bowing His musical passions were unsatisfied When Farkle McBride was a three-year-old tyke All freckly, bony, and thin He astonished his friends and his family alike By playing superb violin He went And the rest of the fiddles went The violas went The cellos went The bass viols went And finally, the harp went At last, all the strings went And as fiddling Farkle continuеd to play He heard a small voice that would not go away "Play on! play on! play on!" thе voice cried "Play on with persistence and passion and pride Play on from your heart, and the rest will take part Play on, you remarkable Farkle McBride! Play on, you remarkable Farkle McBride!" But when he was four, Farkle played it no more In spite of his parents' beseeching He shattered the records he used to adore He smashed up his resin, ripped up every score He threw fiddle and bow to the living room floor As he shouted, "Enough of your screeching!" When Farkle was five, his melodical gift Once again bore rhapsodical fruit The woodwinds inspired his spirits to lift And he rapidly mastered the flute He went And the other flutes went The oboe went The clarinet went The bassoon went And finally, the piccolo went At last, all the woodwinds went His father was thrilled, his mother, elated And inside his head, the voice sang unabated "Play on! play on! play on!" the voice cried "Play on with persistence and passion and pride Play on from your heart, and the rest will take part Play on, you remarkable Farkle McBride! Play on, you remarkable Farkle McBride!" But at six, Farkle flung the flute into the lake Notwithstanding its lyrical trill He stamped on the dock 'til you'd think it would break "That's it!" he exclaimed, "I've had all it can take! That tootling gives me a brutal headache! It's so wimpy and whiny, and shrill!" When Farkle was seven, a different sound Rekindled his musical flame He became the most expert trombonist around And the boulevards buzzed with his name He went The other trombones when The trumpets went The French horns went Finally, the tuba went At last, all the brass went The brass cavalcade had a beautiful ring And the voice inside Farkle continued to sing "Play on! play on! play on!" the voice cried "Play on with persistence and passion and pride Play on from your heart, and the rest will take part Play on, you remarkable Farkle McBride! Play on, you remarkable Farkle McBride!" But at eight he declared, to his parents' despair And as everyone else might have guessed "I can't stand the trombone with its blat and its blare That racket is more than my eardrums can bear So return it or throw it away, I don't care! I despise it, just like all the rest!" When Farkle was nine, both his father and mum Were bursting with pride and affection For Farkle learned xylophone, cymbals, and drum The entire percussionist section! He went The snare drum went The bass drum went The kettledrums went The symbols went And finally, the triangle went At last, all the percussions went As he wielded his tambourine, drumsticks and hammer The little voice called him above all the clamor "Play on! play on! play on!" the voice cried "Play on with persistence and passion and pride Play on from your heart, and the rest will take part Play on, you remarkable Farkle McBride! Play on, you remarkable Farkle McBride!" But soon Farkle fell prey to his usual gloom Despite all the praise and the flattery First a sigh, then a sulk, then a frown, then a fume Then an ear-splitting tantrum that emptied the room "I can't stand it!" he bellowed, "The crash in the boom And the clang in the bang of the battery!" Poor Farkle at ten, howsoever renowned Reached the end of his musical tether But then he discovered his favorite sound Musicians all playing together It happened like this: the conductor caught cold On the day of a major recital "You've got to replace him!" young Farkle was told "Your cooperation is vital!" So he took the baton and he gave the downbeat And KABOOM! The foundations were shaken By glorious music, bombastic and sweet That filled up the hall and spilled into the street Music that brought the whole crowd to its feet From the instruments he had forsaken They went They went They went They went They went And they finally went At last, they all went And then, as the orchestra drew to an end The voice sang a different song to its friend "Lead on! lead on! lead on!" the voice cried "Lead on with persistence and passion and pride Lead on from your heart and the rest will take part Lead on, you remarkable Farkle McBride! Lead on, you remarkable Farkle McBride!" Since that sparkling night, Maestro Farkle McBride Conducts all the instruments he ever tried His happy heart sings to brass, drums, winds, and strings And remarkable Farkle's at last satisfied!